CHAPTER EIGHT

Harmony in the Family Understanding Values in Human

Relationships
Family is the basic unit of human interaction
The family is a natural laboratory and learning ground

1. To understand the harmony in relationship with human beings &

2. To practice it in terms of its fulfillment, evaluation & ensuring mutual happiness before we extend this to
every unit in Society and then to Nature.
We naturally live in a family. In the family, we have relationships where we interact with other human
beings.

A child starts interacting with mother, father and other members in the family, and starts understanding
relationships. Family is the foundation of society, and provides the basis for the continuity of human tradition
on earth.

Human being gets the opportunity to interact, understand, fulfill, share and work in mutual relationships
living in a family.

Harmony in the family

1. Relationship is between &

2. There are feelings in relationship of one with the other

3. These feelings can be recognized they are definite

4. Their fulfillment and evaluation leads to Mutual Happiness

Relationship IS, and it Exists between Self & Self

Have you created the relationships in your family, or were you born into them? It is not possible to create the
relationships that are existent in a family. We are naturally born into this. In a similar way, the family has
not invented the social dependencies in which it exists. The family exists naturally as a part of this social
web of interdependency. So, we are embedded in relationships, they are there and all that we need to do
is to recognize them and understand them.
Relationship is between
We saw that we inherently are in relationship with each other. Little exploration will reveal that it is the
The Body is only a means to express or receive our

gs. The Body is

incapable of understanding as well as having feelings. It is the that recognizes the relationship. Thus
 a relationship exists between the Self and the other The relation to the Body is through the
Self

mother and the child who feel connected.

The Self has Feelings in a Relationship. These Feelings are between

There are feelings in relations naturally. They do not have to be created, nor can we remove them. In the
examples we took earlier, we can see that in each case, feelings are involved. We may try to suppress them,
or argue against them, or undermine them, but they are very much there. These feelings are fundamental
to the relationship and can be recognized. Now ask some questions-
Question : Who has these feelings? or Body?
Answer :

Answer : With the other

The answer is, I want trust.

Again, from whom do you want this trust? The or Body?
Answer is, from the other I.

This is something you can easily verify yourself, that it is that wants trust. There is no part of the
body that wants trust, no part of the body that wants respect. When you respect someone, you respect
it is the person, and not the body.
are between
and

These Feelings in the Self are Definite. They can be Identified with Definiteness
We have already seen that relationship is naturally there between humans, that this relationship is between and
and that there are feelings in the relationship. The feelings in relationship are to be identified with clarity. There
are nine feelings in relationship. These are the feelings which we can understand which we can ensure within
ourselves which we can share with others and thus ensure mutual fulfilment in relationship. These are the feelings
(values) in relationship nine feelings, which are naturally acceptable to us in the relationship with the other
human being-
1. Trust (foundation value)
2. Respect
3. Affection
4. Care
5. Guidance
6. Reverence
7. Glory
8. Gratitude
9. Love (complete value)

Let us investigate if these feelings are naturally acceptable to us or not. For example, we can ask ourselves what
is naturally acceptable to us:
Feeling of trust or mistrust
Feeling of respect or disrespect
Feeling of affection or jealousy
Feeling of care or exploitation
 Feeling of guidance or misguidance
Feeling of reverence or irreverence
Feeling of glory or inglorious feelings
Feeling of gratitude or ingratitude
Feeling of love or hatred

It will be quite obvious which feelings are naturally acceptable to us. Then we can explore if these feelings are
naturally acceptable just to us or they are naturally acceptable to others, and ultimately, to everyone.

Recognizing and Fulfilling these Feelings Leads to Mutual Happiness in a Relationship

Once we have recognized the existence of human relationships, we are subsequently able to identify the feelings
(values). When we work and behave according to these feelings, it leads to t he fulfilment of both sides in
the relationship, i.e. it leads to mutual fulfilment. Evaluation is a natural process when we live in relationships

in a relationship and if there is a mutual feeling of trust, then it leads to mutual fulfilment and there are
no complaints. But if there is doubt on the other, the happiness in relationship is missing.

Trust- To be assured that the other human being wants to make me happy & prosperous. This is to
be explored within oneself if the other wants to make me happy or unhappy. The assurance that the
other wants to make me happy is trust.
Exploration about Trust
To be assured that the other wants to make me happy & prosperous is Trust (Vishwas). Verify the
following:
1a. I want to make myself happy.
2a. I want to make the other happy.

3a. The other wants to make himself/ herself happy.

4a. The other wants to make me happy.

What is the answer? Also verify the following:

1b. I am able to make myself always happy.

2b. I am able to make the other always happy.

3b. The other is able to make himself always happy.

4b. The other is able to make me always happy.

The first four questions are related to our Natural Acceptance i.e. Intention and the next four to our
Competence.
It is very Important to differentiate between these two Intention (Natural Acceptance) & Competence.

To be assured that the intention of the other is always correct is Trust.

We generally evaluate ourselves on the basis of our intention and others on the basis of their competence!
We seldom look at our competence and intention.
 If we have trust on Intention, we have a feeling of being related to the other & we start helping the other to
improve his competence, if he does not have.
If we do not have trust on Intention, we have a feeling of opposition with the other which ultimately
leads to fighting, struggle and war.

Of course, there may be many questions and doubts; because this is in sharp contrast to what is prevailing in the

attention to the intention (natural acceptance) at all. As a result, the word trust gets used only to indicate the level
of competence (or lack of competence). With such an assumption about trust, the feeling of acceptance is almost
completely missing; rather there is a feeling of opposition. With that, we reinforce assumptions like:

Every human being, including strangers, have the same natural acceptance.
However, the competence may or may not be present. For a stranger, we may need time to evaluate their
competence (but not to know their natural acceptance). When we are able to understand our own natural
acceptance, you can conclude about the natural acceptance of the other. We want to be happy and make the other
happy, but we may have lack of competence. The other also has the same natural acceptance and (s)he also may
be lacking in competence, just like me.
For instance:
Our natural acceptance (intention) is to be happy and make others happy, but we may have a desire
for taking revenge!
We keep getting hurt by the behaviour of others and we keep hurting others with our behaviour.
have a natural acceptance for it, but it is a part of our desire!
Competence includes all the desires, thoughts and expectations (from all three sources). The intention (natural
acceptance), on the other hand, is always same to be happy and make the other happy.
Conclusion- If I can evaluate myself on the basis of my natural acceptance (intention) and I can evaluate the
other on the basis of his natural acceptance (intention), I will have trust on the intention of every human being.
Because deep down everyone wants to be happy and make others happy. Trust on intention is founded on the
understanding of human being and the natural acceptance of the human being; it would be definite, unconditional
and continuous for every human being.

Trust is developed over a long time true for competence, but is it true for trust on natural acceptance
(intention)?

Never trust anyone blindly we need to have trust on intention (natural acceptance), and evaluate their
competence before making a programme with them.

For ex- When we say-

The last 5 times I lent her money, she returned it so I can trust her
or
He said he will reach at 11, but look it is after 12 he always comes so how can I trust him
to be on time?

In both the cases, we are not looking at the natural acceptance (intention). We are only seeing the competence.
Respect (Samman): Respect = right evaluation. Disrespect (Apman)
Over Evaluation (adhi-mülyana) To evaluate more than what it is. e.g if you are wrongly flattered you
feel uncomfortable.
Under Evaluation (ava-mülyana) To evaluate less than what it is. e.g if you are condemned, you feel
uncomfortable.

Otherwise Evaluation (a-mülyana) To evaluate otherwise than what it is. e.g if you are evaluated as
something else, you feel uncomfortable.

Example of over-
Check for yourself: do you feel comfortable, or do you feel uncomfortable?
Example
He must be the laziest person in all of You obviously feel uncomfortable, you find this acceptable.

donkey! you even understand this You feel offended by this. This is evaluating you otherwise, as
you are a human being and not something else.

Minimum Content of Respect The Other is Similar to Me

Human being is co-existence of Self and Body, we can think in terms of evaluating the human being on the basis
of Self, and ensuring the right evaluation. If we go about doing this, see these three things

1. Our purpose is the same I have a natural acceptance to live with continuous happiness and prosperity.
That is my purpose. The other also has a natural acceptance to live with continuous happiness and
prosperity. That is the purpose of the other. So, on the basis of our natural acceptance, we have the same
purpose.

2. Our program is same My program to achieve continuous happiness and prosperity is to understand the
harmony and live in harmony at all levels of my being (from human being to the entire existence). The
program for achieving his purpose, the program of the other is also to understand harmony and live in
harmony at all levels of being. In that sense, our program to fulfil our purpose is also same.

3. Our potential is same I am endowed with natural acceptance and the activities of desire, thought and
expectation are going on continuously in me. This is my basic potential (to understand, think and do). The
other is also endowed with natural acceptance; and the activities of desire, thought and expectation are
going on continuously in the other. So, our potential is also same.

When we are able to see the human being is the co-existence of Self and Body, we can see that the other (Self)
is similar to me because our purpose is same, programme is same and potential is same. This is the minimum
content of respect for a human being. Based on these three evaluations we can conclude that the other is similar
to me when we are able to see that the other is similar to me, we are able to recognize the feeling of respect in the
relationship. If not, we either hold ourselves, more or less than the other and this only leads to differentiation.

evaluation of the other. Over and above that, this over-evaluation tends to ego, and under-evaluation or otherwise
evaluation to depression; whether I am the one doing my own over/under/otherwise evaluation or someone else
is doing it. When I am in ego, my behaviour with the other is likely to be reactive and not mutually fulfilling.
Similarly, when I am in depression, I am unhappy and tend to make others also unhappy.
Assumed basis of Respect today.

Our basis for respect today is largely quite contrary to our discussion above. Instead of respect being a
basis of similarity or one of right evaluation, we have made it into something on the basis of which we
differentiate i.e. by respecting you mean you are doing something special, because you are special or have
something special or are in some special position.

Thus, all of us are running around seeking respect from one another by trying to become something special!

people on the basis of their body, on the basis of their wealth and possessions or on the basis of their beliefs.
There is no notion of respect in terms of right evaluation. Thus, there is no real feeling of relationship, only one
of differentiation.

On the basis of Body

Sex/Gender: We have such notions as, respect males more than females, or even the other way round in some
societies! We ignore the fact that being male or female is an attribute of the body, and not an attribute at the level

other way round!

Race: If the person is of the same race as oneself, then we treat them differently. For example, we differentiate
on the basis of skin colour white, brown, black, etc. or on the basis of whether the person is of Mongolian race,
Aryan race, Dravidian race, etc., or on the basis of caste, taking some caste to be high, the other to be low. Again
here, we do the evaluation on the basis of but on the basis of Body-the colour of the skin or the race or
caste of the body, i.e. by the features, long noses, short noses, height, etc!

Age: We have notions such as must respect What about youngsters? Should we insult them? Should
we not respect them as well? Here, we see that we are again evaluating at the level of the body age is related
to the body, and not to

Physical strength: If someone is stronger, we again treat him/her differently! This is again at the level of the
body. In fact, we think that we are respecting the other while it is fear; the fear that if we do not treat them like
this, we will be harmed. But this is quite prevalent: there are so many programmes, awards and titles in the
world based on physical strength! This has nothing to do with how the person is at the level of

On the basis of Physical Facilities

Wealth: We differentiate people because some have more wealth than others. What we term as a

wealth? Are they happy, or just have wealth? this is evaluation on the basis of physical facilities. This way, we
are over-evaluating physical facilities first, which are just meant to fulfil the needs of the Body, and then on this
basis, we are wrongly identifying our relationship.

Post: This is a
directly related to the right understanding and feelings in the Self?-we seldom verify. The post is wrongly
evaluated as the mark of a excellence and differentiation sets in. The post is considered important either
on the basis that it gives more physical facilities or on the basis that certain positions are assumed to be
important! In our education, we are trained directly or indirectly to earn posts for us to fetch respect. In due
course of time, we tend to believe that respect can be availed only if we reach a certain post. Thus, the respect
that could be naturally available to us becomes a rare commodity.

On the basis of Beliefs

: what does thi thought-

following these sets of beliefs are called capitalists, socialists, communists, and so on! We only have to look

following them have been exposed to them since childhood. Believing theirs to be the right belief. However,
all beliefs, as we have seen, are at the level of desires, thoughts and expectations (selections) in (activities 3,
4, 5). As we have already seen, there is no definiteness at this level, and hence, this becomes a cause for
differentiation.

Sects: If you sit down to list out the number of sects, you may take a very long time. And this is quite prevalent
all over the world today. Sects are identified as having a set of beliefs which reflects itself largely in terms of
certain traditions and practices. People of one sect only consider those with a similar belief system to be their
 respect and disrespect in relationship.

COMPLETE CONTENT of RESPECT- The complete content of respect is

The other is similar to me in terms of purpose, programme and potential and
We are complementary to each other in terms of competence

If the other has more understanding, is more responsible than me

I am committed to understand from the other
If I have more understanding, I am more responsible than the other
1. I live with responsibility with the other, unconditionally, unperturbed by the
behaviour of the other
2. I am committed to facilitate understanding in the other (once the other is assured
in relationship, and not before that)
e.g. a person with greater physical strength can do the heavy work
e.g. a person at a higher post can take responsibility for harmony of the larger order, for the development of

Difference between Attention and Respect

There is a whole lot of surplus activities that people are engaged in today, for the sake of respect. It can be
actually funny if you start observing: people are climbing up mountains for the sake of fame, eating hot chillies
and worms to be on TV, putting on all kinds of clothes, shaving their heads, letting their hair grow long, letting
their finger nails grow long, earning a lot of money (even trying to become the richest person on the earth),
working very hard to be on the magazine cover, this list is simply endless! If one understood the simple fact

relationship, the feeling of right evaluation and respect in the other (ask yourself-when you wear an exclusive
dress, does it create a feeling of respect in the other or a feeling of jealousy?), then all these people will feel very
much at ease! Just think about it: all the while, people are uncomfortable inside, since they are struggling for the
sake of respect. If I see my relationship with you, I shall anyway respect you. I accept you for what you are, a
human being like me. to do something special to earn this respect from me. The fact that you are
human is enough for me to respect you.

Affection- Affection is the feeling of being related to the other. Affection comes when I recognize
that we both want to make each other happy and both of us are similar. Then for the first time, I feel that
I am related to the other that the other is a relative of mine. This feeling is called affection.
Competition
There is a lot of talk of competition today. You will find that competition results when there is lack of affection.
When there is affection, I help the other grow. When I miss this feeling, I try to beat the other, act as an opponent.

We want excellence, not competition. We have tended to assume that by competing, our abilities grow. The fact
is that we humans can grow only in relationships. Pursuing Excellence, makes this possible. As we have seen
in the previous sections, the family is the starting point where we understand our relationships and recognize
our feelings in these relationships. This slowly expands to include the entire world family and we are able to see
each and everyone as our relative. This feeling of being related to everyone is called Love, which we will discuss
later. Affection or sneha is the recognition of the feeling that the other is related to me. It comes naturally once
trust and respect are recognized in relationship. The basic crisis today is that of Trust and Respect. Once we
have these, affection naturally follows and when we have a feeling of affection then responsibility and
 commitment comes naturally. This starts reflecting in terms of the feeling of care and guidance. They are the
natural outcomes of the feeling of affection. It can be seen in terms of
1. The feeling of responsibility towards the Body of my relative, and
2. The feeling of responsibility towards the Self of my relative.

Care-
The feeling of Care is the feeling to nurture and protect the body of our relative. We understand a human
being as a co-existence of of
understanding, we take the responsibility of nurturing and protecting the body of our relative.

Guidance-
The feeling of ensuring right understanding and feelings in the other (my relative) is called Guidance. We
understand the need for right understanding and feelings. We also understand that the
other is similar to me in his/her faculty of natural acceptance, desire of wanting continuous happiness
and the program of living in harmony at all the four levels. The other is also similar to me in the potential
of Desire, Thought and Expectation. Right Understanding and feelings is also a need of the other and the
other is related to me. As a result, I have the responsibility to help the others.
Based upon this, I am able to recognize this feeling of ensuring Right Understanding and feelings in my relative.
This is called Guidance.

In families, we do try to guide the children to the best of our ability. We can observe how guide the child
to walk, to speak, to take care of the Body, to do household chores, etc. Similarly, as the child grows, the domain
of guidance also widens. Sending the child for education, providing advices for betterment of the life, counselling
for a successful life, etc. can be seen in most homes.

Parents and other family members pass on what they know or assume to the children. If they have the
understanding of harmony, and they are living in harmony, they are able to provide guidance to the children in
the true sense. Through it, the children also understand harmony and live in harmony.

On the other hand, if the parents themselves are not very clear about harmony, about the co-existence of Self and
Body, about right understanding and right feeling, about difference between physical facility and happiness, etc.

the children may develop a mix of right and wrong pre-conditionings.

is the need of every human being, not just the children in the

Reverence-
The feeling of acceptance of excellence in the other is called reverence. We understand that we aspire
for continuous happiness and to realize it, we have to understand harmony at all the levels of our living,
and live accordingly. When we see that the other has achieved this Excellence-which means to
understand and to live in harmony at all levels of living ensuring continuity of happiness, we have a
feeling of reverence for him/her. This feeling of accepting the excellence in the other is called reverence
or shraddhã.
If someone has achieved this state of excellence, we naturally have an acceptance for such a person. This feeling
of acceptance for excellence is called reverence.
We all aspire for continuous happiness. In that sense, we all aspire for excellence. Since the revered person has
achieved excellence, we would naturally like to take inspiration from such a person and make effort to become
like her/him. We are not talking about imitating appearance, mannerisms, achievements and such. We
are pointing to their realization of harmony within and harmony with the world outside. Our effort for excellence
is called worship. We keep using this word quite often, but the sense of worship is essentially to make effort for
excellence.

We can also try to see the basic difference between excellence and competition. If you have achieved excellence,
what would you like to do for the other? To differentiate and dominate over them or to make effort to help them
to come to your level?

Effort for Excellence Effort for Competition

The other is like me Not other only me
We are complementary I am different/more than the other
Feelings are based on right understanding Feelings are based on preconditioning (indefinite,
(definite, unchanging) keeps changing)
Feeling of relationship unconditional Feeling of opposition relationship is conditional
Nurtures others May nurture or exploit others
Helps the other to come to his level Stops the other to come to his level - effort to
Absolute (definite completion point) accentuate the difference, to dominate, manipulate,
exploit
Relative (no definite completion point)

Glory-
Each one of us wants to live with continuous happiness and prosperity. Each one of us has the similar faculty
of natural acceptance, has the same goal and program and we have the same potential to realize this.

Glory is the feeling for someone who has made efforts for Excellence. We find that there have been people in
the history, or even around us, who are investing their time, energy and their belongings to achieve excellence
(to understand and to live in harmony at all levels of living ensuring continuity of happiness), to make others
excellent. This gives us a feeling of glory for them.

Gratitude
We understand that each one of us has the same goal of continuous happiness and prosperity. Each one of us
has to work towards increasing our competence to realize our intention and in this process, we are helped and
guided by others that have the right understanding. When we understand this and begin to recognize the feeling
in ourselves, we feel gratitude in our relationship. Gratitude is the feeling of acceptance for those who have made

assistance at the level of physical facilities. This feeling is short lived since the physical facility and the sensation
we get from it, is also short lived. But gratitude coming out of someone doing something for my right
 understanding is permanent since the happiness we get from the right understanding is permanent. We see
a common complaint today that people are not having gratitude. It is incorrect to say this. Since we are not able
to give them something permanent, something lasting to the other, the feeling of gratitude for our help does
not continue. When we have the right understanding ourselves and are able to enable others also to have it, then
this gratitude is natural, it just comes by itself, since we have helped the person make a qualitative improvement
in themselves, which is lasting. Whenever you see any help extended to you for your excellence, gratitude is a
natural outcome.

Reverence For those who have achieved excellence

Glory For those who have made effort for excellence
Gratitude For those who have made effort for my excellence

Love- The feeling of being related to all is love.

This feeling or value is also called the complete value, since this is the feeling of relatedness to all human beings.
It starts with identifying that one is related to the other human being (the feeling of affection) and it slowly
expands to the feeling of being related to all human being.

The feeling of Love is expressed in the form of kindness, beneficience and compassion.
Kindness is to provide a resource that the other needs but for which he does not have the competence
the other could be in need of some physical facility or fulfilment in relationship or right understanding.
Beneficence is to provide something that the other requires, but has not felt the need for it. For example,
he may require right understanding, but may not have felt the need for it. With the base of the feeling of
love and out of the feeling of beneficience, one may help him to develop right understanding.
Compassion means that one is willing to extend help to the other unconditionally, whether the other has
felt the need or not, has the resources or not without any conditions put on her/him. One is willing to
help the other and do whatever is required in order to fulfil the relationship in an unconditional manner.
That is the meaning of compassion.

The feeling is for all, and it is expressed to those who come in contact. The feeling of Love is the foundation of
an Undivided Society.

Distinguishing Between Love and Infatuation

When we are talking about the feeling of love, of course this is not something which is based on sensation. If
you're talking about some feeling on the basis of sensation, this is the case of infatuation. In this case, the sensual
pleasure that is valuable for you; it is the central issue for you. Infatuation is conditional it may last only as long
as you are able to get the sensation. Infatuation is very temporary; it does not last for long. And once the effect
wears off, then the long-term issues of feelings become prominent.

Right Feeling within Myself or from the Other?

With this background, we can ask ourselves what can have continuity:
Right feeling in myself or
Getting right feeling from the other

Of course, when we ask like this, the answer is quite obvious that there can be continuity of right feeling if it is
from within. Only then it is a part and parcel of me. If we are expecting right feeling from the other, we may get
it sometime and not get it at other times. There is no definiteness in the feeling from others. Also, the feeling from
the other is a source of temporary excitement it can never ensure harmony within us.

That is what we have been alluding to from the beginning. The need of the Self is continuous happiness. This is
the complete feeling we are all aspiring for. We had given a name to the complete feeling the feeling of love.
All the other feelings we have discussed in this chapter are different levels of reaching to this complete feeling
within.

Also, we have been pointing out that the base for right feeling is right understanding. Feeling based on right
understanding can have continuity. Feeling based on experience of events are actually only temporary emotions.
The foundation feeling of trust is based on understanding that every Self is endowed with a natural acceptance
for relationship, i.e. every Self wants every other Self to be happy. The emotion based on the competence of the
other to make you happy will keep fluctuating, because the competence of the other is not always upto your
expectation. You can see this very clearly even now for yourself you want to make yourself happy all the time,
but due to lack of your own competence, you are unable to do so in all cases.

Is it clear that there can be continuity of right feeling in you, only on the basis of right understanding within you?

Role of Physical Facility in Fulfilment of Relationship

You can now see that physical facility has a limited role to play in the fulfilment of the feeling in human-human
relationship. To fulfil the feeling of care, physical facility is certainly required. It is required in a limited quantity
for nurturing the Body, protection and right utilisation of the Body your body or the Body of your family
members.

Other than the feeling of care, physical facility only has a symbolic role. For example, you may offer a chocolate
to someone to express the feeling of affection for him. The chocolate is not affection it is a symbol of your
feeling of affection for the other. Like that you can check the role of physical facility in the fulfilment of every
other feeling.

Response and Reaction in Behaviour

An important implication of understanding relationship, particularly trust on intention, is the clarity about living
in reaction and the possibility of living with response. To understand response, a contrast between reaction and
response is shown in the table below.

Reaction Response
You decide how to behave based on the behaviour of You decide how to behave on your own right
the other
It depends on whether you like or dislike the (taste of It is based on right understanding and right feeling in
the) behaviour of the other yourself which are definite. Your behaviour is
- If the other behaves properly, you also behave always for mutual happiness
properly
- If the other misbehaves, you also may misbehave
Your behaviour is decided by other You decide your own behaviour
is with others)
You are enslaved You are self-organised
- You have doubt on the intention of the other - You are clear about the intention of the other
- You get excited or hurt by their behaviour - You are neither hurt nor excited by the behaviour
of the other (their behaviour is an input to rightly
evaluate their competence)
 - consider mutual happiness and mutual - You take responsibility for mutual happiness and
development as a part of your responsibility in the mutual development
relationship

Your conduct is indefinite Your conduct is definite

Understanding Justice
Justice is the recognition of values (the definite
feelings) in relationship, their fulfilment, the right evaluation of the fulfilment resulting in mutual happiness.
Thus there are four elements of justice: recognition of values, fulfilment, evaluation and mutual happiness
ensured. When all the four are ensured, justice is ensured. Mutual fulfilment is the hallmark of justice. And justice
is essential in all relationships, be it with the small kid in your house, your old grandpa, the maid in the house,
your fast friends or your distant relations. We need to grow up in relationships to ensure continuity of justice in
all our relationships.

Justice is the recognition, fulfilment and evaluation of human-human relationship, leading to mutual
happiness.

To expand it a bit:
Recognition of relationship means unconditionally accepting the relationship. Accepting the other with
their full possibility (potential) and with their current level of competence.
Fulfilment of relationship means
o Ensuring the naturally acceptable feeling in oneself and sharing it with the other.
o Living with responsibility with the other unconditionally. This makes the other comfortable and
assured.
o Making effort for mutual development, i.e. development of own competence and being of
help to the other in developing their competence.
Evaluation means verifying that the right feeling has reached to the other and that the other is able to make
out that it is the right feeling.
My Participation (Value) in My Family- (To Make Effort for Harmony in the Family)

The important issue in the family is that of the feelings. These feelings are in one Self for the other Self.

My participation (value) vis-à-vis my family is to ensure harmony in the family, ensure mutual happiness, ensure
justice in the family by way of:
Ensuring the right feelings (trust, respect, affection, care, guidance, reverence, glory, gratitude and love)
in myself this leads to my happiness.
Expressing (sharing) these feelings with the other when the other is able to make the right evaluation of
these feelings, it leads to hi(s)her happiness, thus leading to mutual happiness. My participation is to be
of help to the other in their self-evolution, self-development.

With this preparation in the family, I have the ability to participate meaningfully in the larger society in the
neighbourhood, in the community and so on. When I am able to recognise and accept relationship in its fulness,
I find that all human beings are part of the family. This feeling of acceptance is called love; and it is expressed in
the form of compassion. This is my participation (value) vis-à-vis my family.

Harmony from Family to World Family: Undivided Society

Justice (recognition of feelings in relationship, its fulfilment, evaluation leading to mutual happiness) starts from
family and slowly expands to the world family. The child gets the understanding of justice in the family. With
this understanding, he goes out in the society and interacts with people. All of us are children at some point of
time and grow into adults. If the understanding of justice is ensured in the family, there will be justice in all the
interactions we have in the world at large. In the family, we learn to recognize relationship, the definite feelings
or the values and learn how to fulfil them. The evaluation that takes place mutually in close relationships leading
to mutual happiness instills a confidence in us that we can live the right way with human beings. This confidence
unless ensured, we remain shaky in relationships. If we do not understand the values in relationship, we are
governed by our petty prejudices and conditionings. We may treat people as high or low based on their body. We
may treat somebody lowly as he/she belongs to a particular caste or sex or race or tribe, not understanding that
these are the differentiations based on the body and are a grave mistake in the recognition of relationships.
Similarly, we may differentiate on the basis of wealth one possesses or the belief systems that one follows. All
this is source of injustice and leads to a fragmented society while our natural acceptance is for an undivided
society and universal human order. Undivided Society)-feeling of being related to every human being. Having
explored the harmony in the human being, we are able to explore the harmony in the family. This enables us to
understand the harmony at the level of society and nature/ existence. And this is the way, the harmony in our
living grows. We slowly get the competence to live in harmony with all human beings. And certainly, this is what
we want basically. The feeling of being related to every human being leads to our participation in an undivided
society. With the understanding of values in human relationships, we are able to recognize the connectedness
with every individual correctly, and fulfil it. When we understand the values in relationship with other units in
nature too, we are able to recognize our connectedness with them too, and fulfil it. This enables to participate in
the universal human order.

Practice-
1. Make a list of people you are closely related to or friends with (in your family, extended family, community,
village, town, city, etc.). What is the relationship name that you call them by (like mother, father, brother,
sister, in-laws, co-brother, uncle, teacher, etc). Also find out the feelings expected in that relationship (like
 you may expect your father to have the feeling of trust and guidance). What are your feelings for them? Now
find out if these feelings are being fulfilled. Find out what effort you need to make to develop yourself.
2.
Relationship (Name of person) Feelings I expect from them Feelings I have for them
E.g. Ma (Usha Devi) Trust, affection, care, reverence, Trust, respect, gratitude, glory,
etc. etc.

3. In your life, there must be people who have helped you in your effort for excellence (harmony). For each such
person, write down what they have done for you.

Person Contribution Primarily this contribution is related to Right

What they did for you Understanding or Feeling or Physical Facility?

Find out:
a. What are the feelings you have for such people? How do you express these feelings to them?
b. Categorize the contributions as being primarily related to right understanding, feeling in relationship
or physical facility. Which category of contributions do you value most?

Now add to the list, what you expected from them, but they could not do it for you. This is a rough list of
what you value.

What they did for you + what Do you have the competence Primarily this contribution is
you expected, but they could to do this for others in the related to Right Understanding or
not do for you family? Feeling or Physical Facility?

Find out if you have the competence to do this for others in the family.

4. Who are your role models? What qualities do you like about them? What feelings do you have towards them?
Do you want to be like them in all aspects (how they are as an individual, as a member of the family, as a
member of society and as a part of nature)? What effort are you making or do you need to make to be like
them?

5. What could you understand about the meaning of excellence? Contrast excellence with competition. What is
the effort that you are comfortable with making effort for competition or making effort for excellence?

6. What could you understand about the meaning of justice? Find out the state of justice in your family. Are any
steps required to ensure justice in the family? How would you extend that feeling with your neighbors, in the
community?

7. In the daily family routine, what activities are there or that need to be added, to promote harmony in the
family? In these collective activities, what are the topics that are being discussed or need to be discussed for
harmony in the family? Revise your daily routine, if you feel it is useful for harmony in your family.
[e.g. taking food together, sharing common facilities, helping each other in household chores, sharing how
the day went, sharing feelings and ideas, jointly planning the next day, etc.]
 CHAPTER NINE
Harmony in the Society - From Family Order to World Family Order
Harmony in the family is the building block for harmony in Society. Harmony in society leads to an undivided
society when we feel related with each and every human being. Today our feelings for our society have become
very limited and each one of us lives in a very small web of relationships. Even these simple relationships in a
family may appear burdensome to a lot of us, not to talk of the world family! Our natural acceptance, however,
is for relatedness with all and we can very naturally expand into the world family. This is the basis of an undivided
society, a feeling of relatedness with all. As we begin to understand and become aware of the harmony at this
level in our living, we begin to see our responsibility and participation in it.

Identification of the Comprehensive Human Goal

In order to facilitate the fulfilment of the basic aspirations of all human beings in society, the following
comprehensive human goal needs to be understood. This is what will be conducive to the fulfillment at the
individual level as well as sustainable prosperity, peace and harmony in society:

1. Right understanding is necessary for the human being, for all human beings. When one does not have the
right understanding, one remains disturbed and also acts in a manner so as to create disharmony with
other human being as well as with rest of nature.
2. Prosperity is needed in every family. Prosperity in the family means that the family is able to identify
its needs and is able to produce/achieve more than its requirements.
3. Trust in society means every member of society feels related to everyone else and therefore there is trust
and fearlessness.
4. Co-existence in nature means there is a relationship and complementarity among all the entities in nature
including human beings. This is the Comprehensive Human Goal. Now ask yourself the following
questions: Are all the four constituents required, or can we do away with any one of them? If the above
is ensured, what else would we need in the society? What else do you desire living in a society?

Human Goal and Systems for its Fulfilment Human Order

We have already seen that all these four goals are important and that we cannot do away with any one of them.
We have to realize all four of them. Now, if we have to realize all four, where do we start? What is the sequence
in which these four goals can be fulfilled?
The first and foremost is right understanding and right feeling, because it ensures happiness in the individual and
also prepares the base for other three. Without right understanding and right feeling, it is not possible to identify
the need for physical facility, therefore, right understanding and right feeling has to come before prosperity.
Similarly, fearlessness can take place only with the acceptance of relationship, with right feeling in relationship
and prosperity in every family. The fourth goal is a natural outcome of the first three. Only with right
understanding can mutual fulfilment be realized.

Programs Needed to Achieve the Comprehensive Human Goal: The Five Dimensions
of Human Endeavour
In the light of the comprehensive human goal, let us visualize how the following five salient dimensions of human
endeavour are to be shaped and implemented in society. It will be necessary to develop appropriate systems and
programs to cater to the above goal in order to ensure human welfare. The five dimensions of human
endeavour are:

1. Education Right Living ( Sikshã - Sanskãra )

2. Health Self-regulation (Svãsthya-Sanyama)

3. Justice Preservation (Nyãya-Surakshã)

4. Production Work (Utpãdana-Kãrya)

5. Exchange Storage (Vinimaya Kosa)

Now we will go in detail of each of the dimensions or systems; we will unfold them one by one in greater detail.
Education-Right Living (Sikshã-Sanskãra )
Right is made up of two words Education & Right Living.

The content of education is the understanding of harmony at all the four levels of our existence from myself to
the entire existence.

Right Living or Sanskãra refers to the ability to live in harmony at all the four levels of living. Thus,
Education = To understand harmony at all four levels of living.
Right Living = Commitment and preparedness to live in harmony at all four levels of living.

It is important to realize that understanding of harmony is accompanied by learning to live in harmony at all the
levels and doing things that ensure harmony at all the levels. The competence gained from understanding enables
us to live in harmony. The role of education and sanskar is to facilitate the development of the competence to live
with definite human conduct by ensuring all three:
1. Right understanding, i.e. understanding the harmony in the human being, in the family, society,
nature/existence, thus understanding what to do as a human being at all these levels
2. Right feeling the capacity to live in relationship with the other human beings in family and in the
society
3. Right skills for prosperity, i.e.
The capacity to identify the need for physical facility
The skills and practice for sustainable production of more than what is required (by way of labour
using cyclic, mutually enriching process)
The feeling of prosperity

We have to ensure the availability and continuity of Education-Right Living in our society. This dimension of
-
that our succeeding generations have both the content and the
environment available to work towards achieving their goal of continuous happiness and prosperity. This is the
goal and objective of education.

Health-Self-regulation (Svãsthya-Sanyama)
We have already discussed about sanyama and health in chapter 7. We will just recall a few points. Sanyama
refers to a feeling of responsibility for nurturing, protecting and rightly utilizing the body. When the body is fit
to act according to the needs of the Self and, there is harmony among the parts of the Body, it is
referred to as health or Svãsthya.

Sanyama (or self-regulation) is the basis of Svãsthya.

At the level of society, we can look at the societal systems required to support, protect and enrich
family and social efforts. Some of these are outlined below.

1. Education system It is necessary to prepare the child in all dimensions of health, so that (s)he develops
the feeling of self-regulation and has appropriate practice to keep the Body healthy.
2. Family system It plays an important role. Harmony in the family provides a conducive environment. A
system of appropriate intake, routine and labour / exercise, etc. is a natural part of the family system. It
will also have the skills and means to deal with minor ailments with home remedies. It would participate
meaningfully in these areas in the neighbourhood, in the family cluster and beyond.
 3. Health system at the societal level A core part of the societal system is mainstream education. This has
been highlighted in point 1. Further, the health system would be focused on ensuring health and on
prevention of disease, rather than on treatment of disease alone. It would promote labour, exercise and
various means to keep the Body and breathing in balance. It would help to proliferate at all levels the good
lifestyle practices, particularly of intake, routine and labour, as well as home remedies for minor ailments.
4. Medicine and treatment system at the societal level An evolved holistic system of medicine and
treatment which is based on the essence of different systems prevailing today. It would be run as a service
with a feeling of mutual fulfilment, rather than merely as a for-profit business.

With this, if we look at the current health system, there could be a significant reduction in the burden on it. About
80% of illnesses which are related to lifestyle, could be prevented at the level of individuals, families, family
clusters, schools and colleges. Approximately 10% of the remaining could be handled by home remedies leaving
a very small percentage of communicable illnesses, accidents and genetic disorders that would require medicine
and treatment. With this basic understanding, there can be a major shift in paradigm.

One essential outcome of all this exploration on health and self-regulation is that we are able to identify the
definite need of physical facility. We are able to find out what is required and how much is required for nurturing
and protection and right utilization of the Body. We have briefly explored this in the discussions about prosperity
in chapters four and seven. For designing the production system, it is essential to identify and aggregate the need
for physical facility in the family, village, nation and so on all the way to the world.

Justice-Preservation (Nyãya-Surakshã)
We had discussed about justice in the previous chapter. Justice (Nyãya) refers to harmony in the relationship between
human beings, while Preservation (Surakshã) refers to harmony in the relationship between human being and the rest of
nature.

Justice = -Human its recognition, fulfilment, evaluation leading to mutual

Happiness.

Preservation = Rest of relation - its recognition, fulfilment, evaluation - leading to

mutual Prosperity.

= Enrichment, Protection, Right Utilization of nature.

1. Enrichment (I cultivate wheat; this enriches wheat as the quantity grows)

2. Protection (I protect it so that it is fit to eat)

3. Right Utilization (I use it for nurturing of the body and do not let it get wasted).

Production-Work
Work refers to the physical efforts made by humans on the rest of nature, while production refers
to the output/physical produce that is obtained through these efforts.

Work Labour that human does on the rest of nature.

Production - Things obtained out of work.
 There are two important questions that come to mind when we talk of production work:

1. What to produce?

2. How to produce?

What to produce The decision of what to produce depends on the right identification of needs. For this, we have
to identify the physical needs of the body, i.e. what is needed for nourishment, protection and right utilization of
the body. When we look into this, we can see that there is a need for: food, clothing, shelter, and various kinds
of instruments (ex: means of transport, communication, remote viewing of images, etc.) for the right utilization
of the body.

How to produce When we come to the question of how to produce, we are referring to the technology
or systems we use for production. On understanding of the harmony at all the levels of our living,
it becomes evident that there is an inherent balance, a harmony in nature. So, it is only natural that
any production system we design or implement is within the framework that is present in nature, i.e.
it does not violate the framework/harmony in nature. When we look at the way in which nature is
organized, the following becomes apparent:

1. The systems in nature are cyclic i.e. they are not open ended.

2. The systems in nature are mutually fulfilling or mutually enriching.

Thus the way to produce is: Through Cyclical (Ãvartansïla) Process, in harmony with nature.

1. It has to be Cyclic

2. It has to ensure that every unit is enriched

Example of cyclic and enriching process in nature: When a seed is planted in soil and water is added,
it grows to be a tree and in turn, bears leaves, flowers and fruits. The fruits ripen, leaves mature and fall
to the ground and enrich the soil forming manure by decaying. Seeds are scattered from the fruit into
the soil and once again these fruits form a plant and bear fruit. This way the soil gets enriched, seeds
are multiplied and tree
mutual enrichment in nature in this way. This process is also cyclic. It is not that the seed grows once, and
then the whole process is over. This process continues. We can thus see that the processes in nature are both
cyclic and enriching. Numerous such examples can be taken, between plants and soil, within plants, between
plants and birds, and animals etc. There is an inherent balance, in the species, in the entire cycle.

We are so lost in our imagination, in our own make-believe worlds of aims and misconstrued notions of
You only need to start paying
attention to this yourself, and you can see the incredibly different ways in which nature is organized. We can
start noticing this ourselves, paying attention to this, when we either walk on the road, or in the park.

You will find that even as you begin to see this balance in nature, as you see and understand its
processes, you will feel more comfortable and more assured.

Examples of enrichment in nature: There is another interesting fact that comes up when we start paying
attention to nature. Production is already taking place in it! Once a plant starts to grow in nature, it manages
its own fertilizer, its own water. We have to anything for it, it is not that we trees today.
Trees and plants grow of their own accord. We can only facilitate that process, by first understanding it, and
then learning the skills. The basic requirements for human and animal survival are already occurring in nature.
So, when we talk of production [with respect to human beings], it is not that we are going to produce something
in nature for the first time! In a sense, we are only extending the process. Rice and wheat anyway grow in
nature, we only work out how we can have more of it, or only certain varieties in a given land mass we call
this agriculture. Even today, most of the work in basic production is being done by nature: for ex, in agriculture,
most of our effort is in sowing, collecting and storing the food. Rest of the work is being done by nature.

Hence, when we are talking of production, it is desirable to extend this production system that is already
inherently present in nature, which is cyclic and mutually enriching. For example, guavas are grown in nature,
we eat them and finally, it goes back to the soil through human excreta. We can extend this process by
making jam or jelly out of guava and eat the jam or jelly. This making of jam or jelly is production, which is
essentially an extension of the cyclic production process already taking place in nature. If we start paying
attention, it is very much possible for human beings to ensure a production process which is cyclic and
The trees and plants are anyway growing in nature. The amount
of wood one person would require in his lifetime can be obtained from four full-grown trees. How many trees
can a person plant in his lifetime? Certainly, more than four, it can even be ten, twenty or hundred. So, if
aware, a human being can be enriching for nature in a much more effective manner than an animal can do.

In nature, there are four different kinds of entities. One kind of entity includes materials such as air, water, soil,
metals and non-metals etc. The other kind has plants, herbs etc. The third kind has animals and birds, and the
fourth kind includes human beings. When you look at their interrelationship, you find that the materials, plants
and animals are enriching for the other entities including human beings. We saw some examples above about
the interwoven cycles and enrichment in nature. Based on these cycles and mutual enrichment only, production
is naturally taking place in nature. Humans only have to understand this feature of nature. The purpose of science
and technology is to facilitate the cyclic processes in nature and make human beings more and more fulfilling
to other entities. But you will find that human beings are neither enriching (fulfilling) for humans nor for the
other three kinds of entities. If only we understand the processes in nature, we can design our production systems
through the application of science and technology in such a way that this mutual fulfilment is better ensured,
rather than disturbing it.

Exchange-Storage
Exchange (vinimaya) refers to the exchange of physical facilities between the members of the society, while
storage (kosha) refers to the storage of physical facilities that is left after fulfilling the needs of the family.
 It is important to note that exchange and storage is done for mutual fulfilment and not for madness of profit or
exploitation or hoarding. Exchange- Exchanging of produce for mutual fulfilment. (With a view of mutual
fulfilment, not MADNESS of profit) Storage Storing of produce after fulfilment of needs. (With a view of
right utilization in future, not HOARDING).

We can now see how these five dimensions of humanistic society are able to ensure the human goal:

Education Right living leads to > Right understanding

* Having the process of education and right living leads to right understanding in the individual

Health Self-regulation leads to > Prosperity

* Having the program for health and sanyam leads to well-being of the body, and identification of need for
physical facilities which along with production ensures feeling of prosperity in the family.

Justice Preservation leads to > Fearlessness and Co-existence

(respectively)

* Ensuring justice in relationship, or mutual fulfilment in relationship on the basis of values like Trust,
Respect, etc leads to fearlessness in society, while Surakshã of nature via enrichment, protection and right
utilization leads to co-existence in nature.

Production Work leads to > Prosperity and Co-existence

* Production and work are for physical facilities, and this leads to a feeling of prosperity in the family.
Production is done in harmony with nature, and hence, this also leads to co-existence with nature.

Exchange Storage leads to > Prosperity and Fearlessness

Professions in a Human Society

Once we understand that we have a common human goal, a common purpose, we will organize the society so that
it will facilitate the fulfilment of these common goals for all human beings. Also, once we are able to see that we
are related to each other, there will be a feeling of acceptance for all, i.e. the feeling of love. With that acceptance,
we will be able to work together in harmony for these human goals.

Profession is the participation of a human being in one or more of the dimensions of the society. We may
choose our participation where we have developed competence and interest. With the feeling of purpose and
relatedness, our professions will be interrelated and, in a manner, that everyone is able to participate meaningfully,
i.e. for mutual fulfilment. It includes teachers, doctors, farmers and so on.

Harmony from Family Order to World Family Order Universal Human Order
A society is composed of families living together with a common goal. At each level, the harmony contributes to
the harmony at the next higher level. Human beings individually in harmony contribute to a family order that is
in harmony. And families in harmony contribute to a harmonious societal order; and all the way to a world family
order which is what universal human order is.

If you try to look at the details, it starts with the family order because that is the smallest unit where all these
dimensions can start taking shape, can be worked about. You must be taking some responsibility at home, like
sharing views on various topics, production of food grain, shopping for food, cooking food, washing clothes and
so on. Like that in a family, there is some effort for the development of a perspective about life (education). There
is also some effort for development of life related skills how to interact with other people, how to take care of
others, how to live with the neighbours and so on. This is all to do with sanskar. There is some schedule for
waking up, cleaning, labour, exercise, meals and so on. These are some of the components of the health system
in the family. Like that, there is some effort in the family for each of the dimensions. That is what we are referring
to as family order. Family has to do with relationship and feeling in relationship. Family order has to do with the
systems, with the base of relationship.

Actualising all dimensions will lead to the fulfilment of human goals in the society. With this background now,
we can talk about the scope of the human society or the scope of the human system.

The scope is from family order to world family order. We have seen that the scope of relationship is from family
to world family. Now we can see that the scope of harmony in society, order in society is starting from family
order and going right up to the world family order.

If you try to look at the details, it starts with the family because that is the smallest unit where all dimensions can

world family. You move from family order to world family order whereby you ensure all dimensions of human
order and fulfil all the human goals starting from family order to world family order.

The family order is the smallest unit of a society. Family order refers to the system in a family of responsible
people living together for the common human goal. In particular, the family is making effort for
Mutual development of right understanding and right feeling (trust, respect and so on) in every family
member, including the next generation, leading to mutual happiness.
Participation in production of required physical facility in the form of labour, leading to prosperity.
Contributing to a human society by way of participating at the next higher-level order.

The family cluster order is the next larger unit. It is the system that a group of families evolve in order to fulfil
those goals of individual families which require the participation of more people than the family has. Take a
typical example of repair of the roof of a house in a rural area. The house owner just has to inform the village
elders that the repair has to take place and a day is chosen. People from the village assemble at the appointed time
sparing themselves from their own work and accomplish the repair work. The house holder contributes with a
celebration meal for all. This is something that had been happening traditionally in the India. Similarly, even
today we can see that if there is a marriage in a family, the group of associated families join in to make
arrangements, take care of the guests and ensure that the function is organized smoothly. We can see that there is
synergy in the goals of these families all are making effort for the common human goal. At the base is the
feeling of relationship. There is complementarity at the level of skills and a natural division of responsibility in
each of the dimensions. A system for dialogue amongst the families, through a selected family representative
from every family, would ensure proper planning for the common works. All this put together is being referred
to as the family cluster order.

The family order and the family cluster order are mutually fulfilling. The scope of systems at successively larger
and larger complementary units from the family order to the world family order are indicated below.

Scope From Family Order to World Family Order (Universal Human Order)
Family Order Family Cluster Order Village Order Village Cluster Order City Nation
World Family Order

In this way, every human being has a voice and a role in one or more of the social systems, all contributing
meaningfully to the family order, the family order to the family cluster order and so on to the nation family order
and ultimately, the world family order. That is the scope of the systems in a human society.
Practice-
1. What are your personal goals or values that you would like to make effort for? Discuss with your family and
find out the goals of other members. Is there a common family goal? What are the goals being pursued by
your workplace or educational institution? How much of these three sets of goals are aligned to each other?
What is your role in the fulfilment of these three sets of goals?

2. Assuming that you would like to see your hostel or workplace or educational institution as a model of human
society, write down:
a. Its goal(s) relate it to the four human goals and elaborate on what each goal means. Also develop
some key indicators or measures which will show that the goals are realized
b. The system to achieve these goals Make a comprehensive plan for the fulfilment of each goal. Relate
it to the dimensions of human order.
c. How much of this system can be realized with you and your friends working on it in the next 2-4
years? If you select goals that are meaningful for many people, they will, sooner or later, join in. So,
factor that into your plan. Just as an example, you may like to watch
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPeeZ6viNgY. It is a short 2½ minute video about a small boy
who moved a fallen tree out of the way of course many people joined in, eventually.

If you want to think more widely, you can consider your mohalla/colony/village/district/state/country/world. Of
course, please consider all goals and all dimensions of a humane society for your exercise. Your vision and plan
should be holistic, even if you can start just in the smallest of ways. The overall vision and plan give a definite
direction.