The Demigod Problem

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/65965561.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: F/M
Fandom: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Relationship: Annabeth Chase/Percy Jackson
Characters: Annabeth Chase (Percy Jackson), Leo Valdez, Nico di Angelo, Katie
Gardner, Dionysus (Percy Jackson), Percy Jackson, Donny Vermillion
Additional Tags: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Humor, News Media
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2025-05-28 Words: 1,843 Chapters: 1/1
 The Demigod Problem
by Wamescat

Summary

The Mist fell, and the Greek Gods and demigods are out in the open. The gods want worship
and temples, and make that their kids' problem.

Notes
See the end of the work for notes
Dionysus, or currently Mr. D when he's wearing his mortal guise and acting as our camp
director, walks out in front of the breakfast gathering and starts talking in his typical bored
drawl.

“The Mist fell last night at midnight for reasons beyond your concern.”

He drops that on us like it's any other Tuesday.

“Yes, mortals can now see all the monsters, will notice your inhumanity, won’t attribute one
of your tussles with Hydras in the middle of the town square to a gas leak anymore, very
concerning, I know.”

He said in a voice dripping with apathy.

“The Olympian council discussed it greatly for around two hours and has devised a plan.”

By the look on Chiron's face, it's obvious all this is news to him.

The Campers are starting to react to the news with chatter and a host of emotions, ranging
from panic to excitement and worry.

Mr. D continues speaking over the attempted interruptions and chatter.

“Alright, little demigods, with the mist gone, we want our proper worship back. Your new
jobs are to go out and act as gifts to the World, inspire adoration, and continue your parents'
great works. Your job will be to acquire us priests, drum up worship, and get the mortals to
build us temples.

Go save mortals from monsters, heal the sick and dying with magic, create great architectural
wonders, show off your beauty and inhuman grace on TV, and do whatever little demigods
did back in the days of yore.”
“Won’t the Mortals try to burn us at the stake for being against their mainstream religions?”

One of the younger girls asks, worry etched on her scared face.

Mr. D. snorted and let Chiron answer hesitantly.

“Although it hasn't been an issue in the past few millennia, half-bloods can move and react
faster than the speed of sound with a summer’s worth of training. Dodge sniper fire, and even
if a mortal hits one of you with a bullet or mundane weapon, it won’t have enough conceptual
weight to do much damage, unlike godly metals or monsters, and they will barely harm you if
you don’t allow it to do so. You probably haven't noticed before because of a lack of
interaction or intent, always fighting figures out of myth.”

That sparked more conversation and a look on some of the Hermes kids' faces, which seemed
like trouble.

Mr. D continues with his announcements.

“Those past sixteen years of age must spend fall, winter, and spring in the mortal world to
drum up fame, notoriety, and worship. For further training, you can spend the summer here at
Camp or in one of your parents' divine realms, territories, and temples. For those under
sixteen, you can live in your parents' temple or here at Camp.”

That statement got mixed reactions, primarily confusion, worry, and excitement.

Chiron clarifies with,

“Having your younger siblings live in a god's temple will protect them from monsters. It
would be an insult to do anything to a god's belongings inside their temple. Just look at
Medusa, for example.”
And with that, the Athena kids looked shifty, and one dared to ask.

“So not so much protection as horrible vengeance if anything happens to us while there?”

Mr. D gamely ignores the question and continues.

“Think of it as encouragement for you all to get the mortals to start renewing their worship of
us. The better temples you get the mortals to build us, the more luxurious you and your
current and future siblings will have it. You and your future siblings will have more places to
hide in with more temples.”

“I’m Christine Everhart, with WHiH World News, and we're here with the interview of
Rachel Elizabeth Dare, Oracle of Apollo.”

“So you can see the future, what's that like? Can you tell me next week's lottery numbers?”

Rachel pinches the bridge of her nose.

“First, that's not how it works. Second, I see whatever the Great god Apollo decides to gift
me with visions of.

“This is Donny Vermillion live in our New York station: A once-beautiful city now under
attack by nefarious forces.”

“We are looking at what appears to be a fight between a demigod and a hydra.”
A scene of mass devastation and property damage appears on the screen.

“Oh my Terry, that looks like a lot of collateral damage. Who do you think is going to pay for
it?”

Meanwhile, Percy lifts the entire river into the air with his hydrokinetics, throwing it down
like a striking snake, lashing out upon the Hydra to crush it to death whole rather than
playing the cut-off-the-heads game.

“Wow, it looks like a real downpour down there, Terry.”

“And we're back live outside the Empire State Building, with what looks like religious
heretics. We all know the temperament of gods who have been insulted.”

The screen shows protesters gathering outside the Empire State Building, waving signs with
religious iconography and blasphemous paintings of Greek religious symbols.

“Will the New York Police be able to disperse this crowd, or is it already too late? This
reporter can only guess, no.”

The screen shows people chanting, "Not my god," and "No other gods before the Lord," as
the sky darkens and lightning strikes repeatedly, hitting those who aren't fast enough in their
escape.

“A Kraken has been agitated and is attacking ships off the east coast. Terry says they are
endangered. Who's endangered now?”
Percy appears with sword in hand, striding across the waves to fight the beast, managing to
save a cruise ship full of hundreds of people from the Kraken.

“This just in: Demigods slay an endangered animal.”

Percy, “Annabeth, they think I killed an endangered deep-sea squid. That was a sea monster,
not a squid.”

Percy wailed!

“Percy love, I know, but I’m too busy to help, what with getting all these temple designs
made, as it turns out, a god smiting heretics from on high will push the people into acts of
appeasement.”

She responded by rolling her eyes while facing away from Percy.

“Why don’t you go talk to a reporter and try to get things sorted out with the public?”

Jimmy Olsen has photographed the Goth Icon, Nico di Angelo, who has been seen appearing
from the shadows on Long Island. More and More teenagers are dressing in black, wearing
skull t-shirts, following the renewed goth fad brought about by the son of Hades.

Summary of an Article
Children of Hephaestus: The future of engineering by Clark Kent

Children of Hephaestus are revolutionizing the Engineering community with innovative ideas
and more efficient designs. Will Mechs and Power Armor be part of our future? Our Readers
want to know. Leo Valdez has even claimed to be designing spaceships!

“This is Donny Vermillion bringing you the traffic updates you need.”

The screen shows an Aerial view of a bunch of teenagers street racing.

“We have what is reported to be a bunch of teenagers and children of Hermes street racing on
Long Island.”

“A Crushing defeat for the mortals, and in my humble opinion, the blame falls squarely on
the demigod's inhumanity.

“This is Vicki Vale reporting that a daughter of Aphrodite has won yet another beauty
pageant, Miss USA, this time.”

The people in charge discussed banning inhumanly beautiful people but were worried about
curses and divine retribution for such an offence.”

Summary of an Article

Children of Demeter: The future of agriculture by Clark Kent

Demeter kids have been aiding in the agricultural industry, from helping farmers accelerate
crop growth to utilizing their powers to prevent crop failures and famines, and assisting in
research for crop manipulation and gene editing. They also build eco-friendly green spaces in
cities to provide free food to low-income communities.

Summary of an Article

Capital punishment for harming the environment, by Lois Lane

More Satyrs and Dryads are protesting for environmental protection laws and punishment via
stoning of corporate owners and board members who pollute the environment.

Statement by Chief Pentagon Spokesperson and Senior Advisor, “Super Soldiers, Aries kids
are invaluable and will continue to support our great Country.”

“This is Clark Kent reporting that Will Solace, Son of Apollo, was just seen using his father’s
authority as the god of healing to heal children. Just leave it to Apollo’s kids to cure entire
children's cancer wards when they're not rock stars who donate their earnings to Temples or
to further medicine to help fund the treatment of children.”

News video of a highly bacchanalian frat party. Frat boy chugging his beer before shouting,
“We love you, Mr. D!”
“Annabeth, look, Mr. D somehow became the god of frat parties.”

Percy said, pointing at the news screen.

“Percy, he has always been the god of frat parties. He just was banned from drinking and
made to babysit, remember?”

Sighing, Annabeth replied.

“This is Donny Vermillion bringing you the updates you need.”

Video of a golden Rocket engraved with Greek words that appear to be pleas to the Greek
lord of the sky for his permission and forgiveness for trespassing into his domain.

“It appears that Demeter and Hephaestus' kids are collaborating on a Mars colonization
project.”

The golden engraved rocket somehow unfolds wings that start flapping, allowing it to
accelerate straight up faster.

“Our rocket scientists don’t believe this ship can breach the atmosphere– Terry, this is boring
science stuff! I’m not reading this!”

“Christine, you have to understand why we worship the Gods. They grace the world by
existing. The Gods are inherently deserving of worship. The idea that you expect to receive
anything from them is absurd. Whatever boons or blessings they grant are gifts to be
cherished. Sure, they have personalities, and sometimes their actions scare us mortals, but
regardless, we should never criticize them.”

Rachel Elizabeth Dare, Oracle of Apollo, says.

“The gods aren’t human; you can’t attribute human morality or thought processes to them.”

She continues…

By the Daily Planet’s Special Correspondent Rita Skeeter

Polls indicate that the people agree that Aphrodite’s kids are the scariest.

As it turns out, dear readers, people are most afraid of Aphrodite's kids for their mind-
controlling abilities and manipulative dating games.

Summary of an Article

Who’s faster than a child of Hermes? by Lois Lane.

Children of Hermes have conquered NASCAR. After what has been referred to as ‘the Long
Island street racing incident,’ Children of Hermes have been dominating the racing scene
from horse racing to NASCAR. The Olympic Games are coming up this year, and we are
looking forward to which demigods will represent their parents. No one wants to offend the
gods by suggesting that their kids shouldn't participate in the Olympic Games, which were
created in the gods’ honor thousands of years ago.
Leo and Katie burst into the meeting room, hosting the leaders of all the Olympian demigods.

“Now that we have successfully started building a domed city on Mars as a base to start more
terraforming research and other projects, the gods all want temples on Mars!”

Leo shouts!
End Notes

I wanted a Mist fell short fic, and it turned into crack.

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