Words Matter: Trauma sensitive language with children

Trauma Stress responses Negative language

is expressed through behaviours not language are known as ‘fight’, ‘flight’, ‘freeze’ and ‘fawn’ blames children for their trauma
can mask fear or shame can resemble anti-social behaviours is internalised by children and leads to negative labels

Preferable What might be happening What might be happening Preferable

language in the moment in the moment language

Negatively
• Urge to push bad feelings away • Fearing separation from caregiver ✓ Afraid
✓ Distressed charged
• Fearing change or transitions ✓ Anxious
✓ Afraid • Testing strength of connection language
• Seeking belonging with peers Disrespectful Defiant and • Attempting to establish ✓ Shutdown
✓ Frustrated predictability ✓ Seeking control
✓ Testing • Sense of shame and rude ignorant • Trying to predict adult ✓ Testing
relationship • Sense of danger behaviours relationship

• May be using early survival

patterns that previously kept • Feeling unworthy
them safe of connection
✓ Distressed
• Imitating early adult • Avoiding a feeling
of shame ✓ Ashamed
✓ Seeking safety role models
✓ Resourceful • Difficulty articulating Manipulative Disruptive • Feeling anxiety ✓ Lacking
confidence
feelings in the situation
✓ Self-soothing • Attempting to regain ✓ Afraid
• Attempting to keep
mastery over a situation ✓ Anxious
adults distanced
• Attempting to compensate for ✓ Unhappy
• Seeking power when they
feel endangered poor social or learning skills

Aggressive
✓ Seeking
• Feeling unworthy of love and Risk taking • Feeling unworthy belonging
✓ Distressed and attachment oppositional or unvalued ✓ Afraid
✓ Afraid • Feeling stuck in rigidity • Trying to reduce distress ✓ Fear of
✓ Over- or chaos • May be self-regulating loneliness
stimulated • Divided loyalty and fear of in the form of self-harm ✓ Self-protection
betrayal or risk to others
✓ Limit testing
• Attempting to create a distraction • Seeking power, approval
or to protect themselves or affirmation of strength

For more information contact: Research Centre for Children and Families, Sydney School of Education and Social Work
e [email protected] w sydney.edu.au/arts/our-research/centres-institutes-and-groups/research-centre-for-children-and-families.html
Developed as part of the ARC Linkage project Fostering Lifelong Connections for Children in Permanent Care (LP180101332)
B15389
Words Matter: Trauma sensitive language with children
Trauma Stress responses Negative language
is expressed through behaviours not language are known as ‘fight’, ‘flight’, ‘freeze’ and ‘fawn’ blames children for their trauma
can mask fear or shame can resemble anti-social behaviours is internalised by children and leads to negative labels

Preferable What might be happening What might be happening Preferable

language in the moment in the moment language
• Past patterns of self-reliance
Negatively due to neglect
✓ Afraid • Feeling powerless • Collecting items for self-preservation ✓ Seeking
• Avoiding a difficult truth
charged connection
✓ Fantasising • Wanting to impress peers
language ✓ Seeking
✓ Seeking nurture • Re-interpreting reality • Needing to feel reassured
to alleviate shamee Liar and they exist belonging
✓ Confused
dishonest Steals • Seeking a sense of control ✓ Seeking control
✓ Seeking • Avoiding getting in
trouble if that equates in environment ✓ Hungry
acceptance • Attempting to be in control
to physical harm
with adults

• Fearful of connecting
or losing a connection
• Feeling scared for • Inability to trust due
themselves or someone to past betrayal so push ✓ Self-protective
✓ Dysregulated adults away
they love ✓ Afraid
✓ Overwhelmed
• Needing to move
Absconding Sabotages • May avoid
✓ Overwhelmed
✓ Afraid relationships
body to help regulate • Needing to create ✓ Disappointed
✓ Misunderstood sensory overload predictability ✓ Masking
• Needing to create power
and control
• May mask a lack of skills for the task
• Appeasing may be a learnt
strategy to keep adults happy • Being small or unseen ✓ Afraid
✓ Afraid and avoid being hurt Shut down Sneaky may have been an early
✓ Sadness survival strategy ✓ Creating
• Feeling excluded, predictability
✓ Disconnection unworthy or unloved • Early neglect may create
need to control a situation ✓ Seeking belonging
✓ Overwhelmed • Shutting out traumatic or accumulate resources
✓ Seeking reward memories or thoughts ✓ Seeking control
• Afraid of pain, threats
• May indicate cognitive processes or being misunderstood ✓ Seeking
are too hard to sustain • Unwilling to appear vulnerable connection
• Fear of expressing emotions • Wanting to hurt someone they do not trust

For more information contact: Research Centre for Children and Families, Sydney School of Education and Social Work
e [email protected] w sydney.edu.au/arts/our-research/centres-institutes-and-groups/research-centre-for-children-and-families.html
Developed as part of the ARC Linkage project Fostering Lifelong Connections for Children in Permanent Care (LP180101332)
B15389
Words Matter: Trauma sensitive language with children
Trauma Stress responses Negative language
is expressed through behaviours not language are known as ‘fight’, ‘flight’, ‘freeze’ and ‘fawn’ blames children for their trauma
can mask fear or shame can resemble anti-social behaviours is internalised by children and leads to negative labels

Preferable What might be happening What might be happening Preferable

language in the moment in the moment language
• May have blocked trust
• Unmet need for connection
Negatively from past experiences
✓ Seeking or safety
closeness • Needing to feel loved charged • Afraid adults will not meet ✓ Fearful
language their needs of change
✓ Seeking and nurtured
connection • Needing to feel seen, Attention • Trying to avoid being seen ✓ Afraid
heard and valued Seeking Ungrateful as disloyal to parents ✓ Overwhelmed
✓ Anxious • Afraid to show gratitude
• Fearing disconnection in social ✓ Distressed
✓ Afraid as a weakness
and peer relationships
• Scared of attachment
to caregiver

• May have needed to be • Scared of not getting

✓ Afraid the caregiver in the past their needs met ✓ Seeking nurture
✓ Organised • Fear of adults • Fear of being alone ✓ Afraid
or of connection Controlling Narcissistic or disapproved of
✓ Seeking familiarity ✓ Competitive
• Creating predictability • Needing to be
✓ Seeking boundaries ✓ Seeking connection
• Struggling with novelty rewarded or praised as
✓ Seeking and spontaneity the best ✓ Inappropriate
predictability humour
• Attempting to seek power • May lack empathy modelling
over their circumstances or ability to express empathy
• May lack ability to self soothe

✓ Afraid Inappropriate
✓ Creating • Re-enacting patterns
Intimidating humour • Unable to understand
predictability social cues ✓ Overcompensating
of relying on self for safety
✓ Self-protective • Feeling that people will ✓ Need to ‘act’ a part
• Lacking interpersonal skills
not like them
✓ Testing or needing to test the ✓ Seeking belonging
relationship relationship • Disconnection or disassociation
from painful memories/thoughts
✓ Seeking power
• May have missed chance to mirror
emotions with a safe adult

For more information contact: Research Centre for Children and Families, Sydney School of Education and Social Work
e [email protected] w sydney.edu.au/arts/our-research/centres-institutes-and-groups/research-centre-for-children-and-families.html
Developed as part of the ARC Linkage project Fostering Lifelong Connections for Children in Permanent Care (LP180101332)
B15389
Words Matter: Trauma sensitive language with children
Trauma Stress responses Negative language
is expressed through behaviours not language are known as ‘fight’, ‘flight’, ‘freeze’ and ‘fawn’ blames children for their trauma
can mask fear or shame can resemble anti-social behaviours is internalised by children and leads to negative labels

Preferable What might be happening What might be happening Preferable

language in the moment in the moment language

• Needing adults to help them Negatively

✓ Distressed
✓ Overwhelmed regulate their emotions charged
• Sensory overload may make ✓ Seeking
✓ Seeking soothing • Needing to disassociate language processing hard nurture
✓ Seeking nurture from memories, thoughts Fidgeting or Overreacts or • Feeling unsafe with someone ✓ Seeking
and triggers
✓ Anxious
• Bodily reaction to a state
unsettled exaggerates they see as a bully connection
✓ Discomfort ✓ Overwhelmed
of dysregulation

• Needing to know where

• May be a dissociative state
adults are
• May be hypo-arousal
• Fear of abandonment
in the context of
✓ Afraid or being forgotten Forgetful or a trauma trigger ✓ Overwhelmed
✓ Seeking nurture • Feeling unworthy Clingy disorganised • Response to ✓ Scared
✓ Seeking of love or of being
inappropriate ✓ Stressed
reassurance inferior
expectations of adults
• Attempting to maintain or older children
relationship with
primary adult

✓ Overwhelmed
• Early failure of nurture Failure • May have experienced
leading to body dissociation
of routines Baby talk early loss of nurture ✓ Seeking nurture
✓ Afraid • Bedtime may have been and attachment
✓ Sensory overwhelm unsafe in the past ✓ Seeking connection
• May believe they need
✓ Seeking connection • Fear of abandonment to be cute to be loveable ✓ Afraid of
or lack of care abandonment
✓ Hungry • May be regressing to an age
• Inability to feel full because before they experienced abuse ✓ Overwhelmed
✓ Overstimulated
of not being fed • May not know appropriate ways
• Difficulty regulating fatigue/hunger systems to connect with others

For more information contact: Research Centre for Children and Families, Sydney School of Education and Social Work
e [email protected] w sydney.edu.au/arts/our-research/centres-institutes-and-groups/research-centre-for-children-and-families.html
Developed as part of the ARC Linkage project Fostering Lifelong Connections for Children in Permanent Care (LP180101332)
B15389