ROMANCE: COMING TOGETHER

AND BREAKING APART

 “

”
The love we feel for the person we have a romantic relationship
with is different from our love for friends or family.
LOVE’S DIMENSIONS

Love has different scopes. We can view it as

passionate or companionate. Passionate love is what we
feel when we first fall in love it shows our attraction and
focus on a single person. While some succeed to withstand
passionate love over a lifespan, if others declines in
intensity over time.
Companionate love intensifies over time. As a couple’s
feeling of trust and caring for one another nurtures, they
involves in one another’s life and reciprocally react to
each other’s needs.
LOVE’S DIMENSIONS

Another means of looking at types of love is to differentiate romantic

relationships from nonromantic ones by relating them mainly on Eros, Ludis,
Storge, Mania, Pragma, or Agape. The kind of love experienced describes the
nature of the relationship shared.
• Eros (erotic love) is sexual love that carries couples together.
• Ludis is like game of love where partners search for affection and immediate
satisfaction.
• Storge is the kind of love we have for good friends and family members
• Mania is more like obsessive love, with a partner experiencing recurrent
relationship highs and low.
• Pragma, derived from the word pragmatic is arranged marriages.
• Agape love has a spiritual value, frequently described as pure.
 Knapp and Vangelisti’s ten-stage model of relationships
recommend that we perceive our relationships, as well as
our romantic relationship, as escalating/intensifying
stabilizing, or failing/wasting over time.
According to Knapp and Vangelisti, relationships are a
continuous state of unrest: they grow either stronger or
weaker with time. As they strengthen or deteriorate, they
go through some or all of ten relationship stages.

LOVE’S STAGES
KNAPP AND VANGELISTI’S TEN-STAGE MODEL
OF RELATIONSHIPS
 During this stage, people ask
themselves whether someone is
attractive enough for them to start
interaction with other person.

STAGE 1: Initiating
 STAGE 2: Experimenting

At this stage, the aim is to define the relationship

is worth chasing. They want to lessen the doubts
about one another. As hesitation dispels, people are
better able to contemplate pursuing a relationship.
At this stage, people retain spontaneous
communication, engaging in casual dating as they
analyze the unknown in the determination to find out
more.
STAGE 3: Intensifying
 STAGE 3: Intensifying

As people become closer, their relationship enters

the intensifying stage, increasing the amount of
information they reveal to each other. As relationship
escalates in closeness, people unveil much more
personal facts, increasing their personal susceptibility.
During this stage as well, they initiate to change from
individual “I”s into a “we.”
STAGE 4: Integrating
 STAGE 4: Integrating

During the integrated stage, people turn into a

couple; others identify them as a “pair,” a
“package,” or a “social unit,” since the combination
of one “I” and another “I” is fully appreciated.
Interpersonal synchrony also raises as people display
related inclinations for modes of dress; they act,
speak, and think more similarly; and accelerate their
level of sharing.
STAGE 5: Bonding
STAGE 5: Bonding

In the bonding stage, people

declare their promise to one another
in a public ceremony to signal the
exclusiveness of the relationship.
STAGE 6: Differentiating
STAGE 6: Differentiating

The differentiating stage finds one of more

partners struggling to recreate or regain a sense of
distinctive identity. As people distinguish
themselves, they may find themselves experiencing
more intrapersonal battles. The re-individualize
personal belongings. If they cannot resolve their
differences and stresses continue, it may indicate
that the process of uncoupling and separation is in
process.
STAGE 7: Circumscribing

The circumscribing stage finds the relationship

enduring its failure. Consequently, the parties
limit their communication. They intentionally
attempt to limit subjects of argument to those
considered “safe.” Questionable or sensitive
areas that are offensive are evaded at this stage.
STAGE 8: Stagnating
 STAGE 8: Stagnating

Relationships in this stage do not continue

evolving. Instead, they are almost motionless.
Communication between the parties is at a
simulated halt. Although the partner may still share
mutual space, they no longer share each other.
Conversation become pretentious. The parties
become rigid in each other’s presence. The former
partners identify one another as strangers.
STAGE 9: Avoiding
 STAGE 9: Avoiding

The avoiding stage has the partners’ final

communication channels. For the longing to stay away
from each other, the parties take whatsoever steps
needed to guarantee they would not have to share in
any way. They do what they can to avoid coming
together, since they know that getting together will
be spiteful and hostile. The relationship’s end is
approaching.
STAGE 10: Terminating
STAGE 10: Terminating

The terminating stage finds the bonds that once

held the relationship together in pieces. The
relationship is finished. Subject to how parties feel
about the wind-up, this stage can be brief or
prolonged, pleasant or nasty. It may happen soon
after the relationship has begun or years later. All
relationships end ultimately by death; that does not
mean, however, that saying goodbye comes easily
or is pleasant.
 RELATIONSHIP ATTRACTORS

Until actually establish contact with someone,

relationships are not established. To begin with, we will
usually not begin a relationship with somebody who turns
us off. Some relationship turnoffs include having a messy or
unclean look, looking lazy, being excessively needy, lacking
humor, etc. When it comes to picking the people with
whom we will develop relationships with rational attraction
plays a significant role. In fact, interpersonal attraction is
the foremost reason we start contacts that we hope will
develop into significant relationships.
RELATIONSHIP ATTRACTORS

As you read about attraction, keep these ideas in mind:

(1) Attraction is not certainly mutual; we may find ourselves
drawn to someone who does not respond to our feelings.
(2) Attraction is not automatically long lasting; we may realize
that we were wrong about the qualities we thought another person
possessed, or we may realize that the qualities that drew us toward
the person were incompetent to withstand our relationship.
As interpersonal theorist Steve Duck notes, “ When the
attraction stage goes badly, the rest of the potential
relationship[ never materializes.”
PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS

Physical attractiveness functions as one of the

foremost mechanisms we use to identify whom we
want to interrelate. How someone looks, whether it
is the person’s eyes, clothing, body shape, or some
other characteristics, determine whether we will
find ourselves drawn to that person or not. Mainly,
we prefer to start relationships with those we find
physically attractive.
SOCIAL ATTRACTIVENESS

We also reflect on a person’s social

attractiveness. Why do we desire to have a
relationship with someone we judge to be
socially attractive? Perceptions of physical
charm connect with favorable personality
attributions such as kindness, warmth, and
intelligence.
TASK ATTRACTIVENESS

Task attractiveness is another factor whether or

not we search for another’s company. If we enjoy
working with someone, we want to have more
contact with him or her. We value the person’s
presence not just because he or she is proficient at
doing a job or improves output, but also because
we find him or her appealing and want to
withstand the interaction.
 PROXIMITY

Proximity or physical closeness affects attraction. Living

or working in the same area increases prospects to
interact, share experiences, and form attachments. The
more we interact, the more familiar we become, and the
greater our chances of discovering other areas of common
interest that could further increase a person’s appeal in
our eyes. Thus, the closer two people are, physically, the
more probable it is that they will be attracted to each
other and grow an intimate relationship.
REINFORCEMENT

Another factor manipulating interpersonal

attraction is reinforcement. We enjoy supporting
contacts that are rewarding, and are refrain from
maintaining those we judge are tiring. We like
people who compliment us more than those who
disapprove of us. We are more fascinated with
individuals who like us than those who dislike us.
SIMILARITY

Generally, we find ourselves attracted to people whose

looks, behavior, values, attitudes, experiences, beliefs,
ideas, and interests are comparable with ours. Normally,
we like people whose outlook resembles our own, than
those who disagree with us, particularly when the issue
under consideration is significant to us. In fact, the more
noticeable the issue, the more important being similar
becomes. Similarity presents us with “social validation.”
COMPLEMENTARITY

The variable of complementarity proposes that

opposites attract. At times, instead of falling for someone
who is our replica, we find ourselves attracted to someone
very different. It may be because he or she shows one or
more characteristics we appreciate but do not possess.
Relating with our “opposites” can help us learn different
ways of thinking. Opposites can attract each other; just
not as ordinarily or as simply as people who are more
alike.