1 Chapter 3

Construction of Clear
Sentences and
Paragraphs
 Simple
Structure for Complex
Adapt to less Structure for
2
readers knowledgeable more
knowledgeable

Too short
is also bad Sentence
Better
Communication

Too much Less

information - information
miscommunication easy to
remember
 Example: Effect of long sentences
3

• The following sentence from an employee handbook illustrates the

effect of long sentences on communication:
When an employee has changed from one job to
another job, the new corresponding coverage will be
effective as of the date the change occurs, provided,
however, if due to a physical disability or infirmity as
a result of advanced age, an employee is changed
from one job to another job and such change results
in the employee’s new job rate coming within a lower
hourly job-rate bracket in the table, the employee
may, at the discretion of the company, continue the
amount of group term life insurance and the amount
of accidental death and dismemberment insurance
that the employee had prior to such change.
 Did You Understand?
4

 Not at first!
 Not clear what was explained – but perhaps you
know the subject.
 Too many words create confusion.
 Best vague communication
 Worst miscommunication
 Distracting, and Irritating
5
Sentences
An employee may change jobs. The change may
result in a lower pay bracket. The new coverage
is effective when this happens. The job change
must be because of physical disability. It can
also be because of infirmity. Old age may be
another cause. The company has some
discretion in the matter. It can permit continuing
the accidental death insurance. It can permit
continuing the dismemberment insurance.
Now look at the message written in all short sentences. The
meanings may be clear, but the choppy effect is distracting and
irritating. Imagine reading a long document written in this style.
 Do Not be Extreme
6

The following paragraph takes a course between these two

extremes. Clearly, it is an improvement. Generally, it
emphasizes short sentences, but it combines content items
where appropriate.
The new insurance coverage becomes
effective when because of disability,
infirmity, or ages an employee’s job
change results in lower pay. But at its
discretion, the company may permit the
old insurance coverage to continue.
 Simple Sentence Basic
7

 You can write short, simple sentences in

two basic ways:
By limiting sentence content
By using words economically
 Limiting Sentence Content
8

 Short sentences for  Long sentence when

different thoughts. thoughts are related.
 But not too many
sentences that causes
choppy effect.
 Economizing on Words
9

 Seek shorter ways of saying things.

 Shorter wordings save the reader;
 time and
 are clearer and
 more interesting.
 Cluttering Phrases
10

 A phrase that can be replaced by shorter

wording without loss of meaning. Example,
Uneconomical Economical
In the event that payment If payment is not made by
is not made by January, January, operations will
operations will cease. cease.

In spite of the fact that Although they received

they received help, they help, they failed to exceed
failed to exceed the quota. the quota.
 Cluttering Phrase Shorter Substitution
11

Clutter shorter
Along the lines of Like
At the present time Now
For the purpose of For
For the reason that Because
In the near future Soon
In the few cases Seldom
 Surplus Words
12

 Write economically, eliminate words that add

nothing to sentence meaning.
Example: It will be noted that the records for the
past years show a steady increase in special
appropriations.
 The beginning words add nothing to the meaning of

the sentence. Notice how dropping them makes the

sentence stronger ---- and without loss of meaning:
The records of the past years show a steady
increase in special appropriations.
 Surplus Words
13

 Here is a second example:

His performance was good enough to enable him
to qualify for the promotion.
 The words to enable add nothing and can be

dropped:
His performance was good enough to qualify him
for the promotion.
 More Examples of Surplus Words
14

Contains Surplus Words Eliminates Surplus Words

He ordered desks that are of the executive He ordered executive-type desks.
type.
There are four rules that should be Four rules should be observed.
observed.
In addition to these defects, numerous Numerous other defects ruin the operating
other defects ruin the operating procedure.
procedure.
The machines that were damaged by the The machines damaged by the fire were
fire were repaired. repaired.
By the examining of production records, By examining production records, they
they found the error. found the error.
In the period between April and June, we Between April and June we detected the
detected the problem. problem.
I am prepared to report to the effect that I am prepared to report that sales
sales increased. increased.
 Roundabout Constructions
15

The department budget can be observed to be

decreasing each new year.
 Do the words can be observed to be

decreasing get to the point? Is the idea of

observing essential? Is new needed? A more
direct and better sentence is this one:
The department budget decreases each year.
16
17 The union is involved in the
task of reviewing the seniority
provision of the contract.
Now if the union is involved in the task of
reviewing, it is really reviewing. The sentence
should be written in these direct words:

The union is reviewing the seniority

provision of the contract.
Roundabout Direct
The president is of the opinion The president believes the tax
that the tax was paid. was paid.
18

It is essential that the income The income must be used to

be used to retire the debt. retire the debt.
Reference is made to your May Your May 10 report concluded
10 report in which you that the warranty is worthless.
concluded that the warranty is
worthless.
The supervisors should take The supervisors should
appropriate action to determine whether the absentee
determine whether absentee reports are being verified
reports are being verified.
He criticized everyone he came He criticized everyone he met.
in contact with.
 Unnecessary Repetition of Words or Ideas
19

 Unnecessary Repetition of Words or Ideas to;

 Emphasis & effect
 Adds length
 Purposeless
We have not received your
payment covering
invoices covering June
and July purchases.
It would be better to write
the sentence like this:
We have not received your
payment covering
Needless Repetition Repetition Eliminated
Please endorse your name on Please endorse this check.
the back of this check.
20

We must assemble together at We must assemble at 10:30

10:30 AM in the morning. AM.
Our new model is longer in Our new model is longer than
length than the old one. the old one.
One should know the basic One should know the
fundamentals of clear writing. fundamentals of clear writing.
At the present time, we are We are conducting two
conducting two clinics. clinics.
We should plan in advance We should plan.
for the future.
 Redundancies
21

 Repetitions are illogical and can rarely be

defended. Such as;
 free gift, true fact, past history

In my opinion, I think the plan is sound.

Do not in my opinion and I think express
the same thought? Could you possibly think
in an opinion other than your own? The
following sentence makes better sense:
I think the plan is sound.
 Determining Emphasis in Sentence Design
22

SENTENCE
Right emphasis
SHOULD
on the subject
GIVE

Some are
very Objective or
Conclusion of a report
important
 Sentence Length
23

 Shorter sentence, more

emphasis
 Stand out
 Call attention
 Single message, no
interference

 Longer sentence, less emphasis

 Longer sentence, more ideas
 Ideas share emphasis
 Example: Sentence Length
24

You have two items of information to write. One is that the company
lost money last year. The other is that its sales volume reached a
record high. You could present the information in at least 3 ways.

Equal The company lost money last year.

emphasis The loss occurred in spited of record
sales.

Although the company enjoyed Emphasis

record sales last year, it lost on lost
money. money

Emphasis
The company enjoyed record sales
on sales
increase last year, although it lost money
 Giving the Sentences Unity
25

All parts of a sentence should concern one

thought. Violations of unity in sentence
construction fall into 3 categories:

Excessive
details

Illogical
Unrelated
constructio
ideas
ns
 Unrelated Ideas
26

 You can give unity to sentences that contain

unrelated ideas in 3 basic ways:
1. You can put the ideas in separate sentences.
2. You can make one of the ideas subordinate to the
other.
3. You can add words that show the ideas are related.

Example: Mr. Jordan is our sales manager, and he

has a degree in law.
Mr. Jordan is our sales manager. He has a law
degree.
Mr. Jordan, our sales manager, has a law degree.
 Sentence Unity
27

Our production increased in January, and our

equipment is wearing out.

Adding words can provide unity to the sentence:

Even though our equipment is wearing out,

our production increased in January.
 Sentence Unity
28

Excessive Detail: If the detail is important, put it in a

separate sentence. This means using short
sentences.
Illogical Constructions: Active and passive voice in
the same sentence can violate unity. Example:
First we cut prices, and then quality was
reduced.
This can be changed to the following to bring
unity:
First we cut prices, and then we reduced
quality.
 Care in Paragraph Design
29

Beginnin
g/ending
Ideas
Clear
stand out

Communi Paragrap Emphasis

cation h

Narrow
Logical
topic
Unity of
idea
 Example of Violation of Unity
30

A violation of unity is illustrated in the following

paragraph from an application letter.

As the goal of the paragraph is to summarize the

applicant’s coursework, all the sentences should
pertain to coursework.

By shifting to personal qualities, the third sentence

violates paragraph unity.

Taking this sentence out would correct the fault.

31

At the university I studied all the basic accounting courses as well

as specialized courses in taxation, international accounting, and
computer security. I also took specialized coursework in the
behavioral areas, with emphasis on human relations. Realizing
the value of human relations in business, I also actively
participated in organizations, such as Sigma Nu (social fraternity),
Alpha Kappa Psi (professional fraternity), Intramural Soccer, and
A cappella. I selected my elective coursework to round out my
general business education. Among my electives were courses in
investments, advanced business report writing, financial policy,
and management information systems. A glance at my resume
will show you the additional courses that round out my training.
 General Rules of Paragraph
32
Readers
About
Short eight
prefer
paragraphs
Be short.
lines organization
short
show
better
is a good
. length.
paragraphs.
average

B
ut
le
ng
th
ca
n
an
d
sh
ou
ld
va
ry
wi
th
ne
ed
.
 Organizing Paragraphs
33

 Making Good Use of Topic Sentences

 The topic sentence expresses the main idea of a
paragraph, and the remaining sentences build around
and support it.
 In a sense, the topic sentence serves as a headline for
the paragraph, and all the other sentences supply the
story.
 Using topic sentences forces you to find the central idea
of each paragraph and helps you check paragraph unity.
 Placement of the topic sentence depends on the writer’s
plan.
 Placement of Topic Sentence
34

 Topic Sentence First:

A majority of the economists consulted think that
business activity will drop during the first quarter
of next year. Of the 185 economists interviewed,
13% looked for continued increases in business
activity, and 28% anticipated little or no change
from the present high level. The remaining 59%
looked for a recession. Of this group, nearly all
(87%) believed that the downturn would occur
during the first quarter of the year.
 Placement of Topic Sentence
35

 Topic Sentence at End:

The significant role of inventories in the
economic picture should not be overlooked.
At present, inventories represent 3.8
months’ supply. Their dollar value is the
highest in history. If considered in relation
to increased sales, however, they are not
excessive. In fact, they are well within the
range generally believed to be safe. Thus,
inventories are not likely to cause a
downward swing in the economy.
 Placement of Topic Sentence
36

 Topic Sentence within the Paragraph:

Numerous materials have been used in
manufacturing this part. And many have shown
quite satisfactory results. Material 329, however, is
superior to them all. When built with material 329,
the part is almost twice as strong as when built
with the next best material. It is also three ounces
lighter. Most important, it is cheaper than any of
the other products.
 Any Idea?
37