Construction of Clear

Sentences and Paragraphs

chapter three

McGraw-Hill/Irwin © 2008 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.

 Overview
 Role of adaptation in writing clearly
 Limited sentence content and economical
use of words
 Right emphasis to content
 Sentence unity and clarity
 Short, unified sentences, appropriately
used topic sentences, movement shown
 Clarity and Short Sentences
Writing clearly generally involves writing
short sentences. But there are
exceptions.

You can write short sentences in two

ways:
1 by limiting content,
2 by using words economically.
 Break up long sentences.
(Limiting Content)

DON’T
Many consumers have expressed dissatisfaction with the
relatively high prices of the new Japanese cars, but this has
not prevented large numbers of people from purchasing these
cars and pushing sales higher than many automotive experts
had forecast, thus firmly entrenching the Japanese cars in a
large segment of the automobile market.
 Break up long sentences.
(Limiting Content)

DO
Many consumers have expressed dissatisfaction with the
relatively high prices of the new Japanese cars. However,
this has not prevented large numbers of people from
purchasing these cars and pushing sales higher than many
automotive experts had forecast. The Japanese cars have
thus become entrenched in a large segment of the
automobile market.
 Break up long sentences.
(Limiting Content)

DON’T
The production planning department assigns to each
production order a number that is called a job-order number,
which becomes the identifying means of reporting to the
accounting department the direct costs relating to a
production order, and which can reveal additional information
about the job through code numbers or letters added to the
job-order number.
 Break up long sentences.
(Limiting Content)

DO
The production planning department assigns to each
production order a number that is called a job-order number.
This number becomes the identifying means of reporting to
the accounting department the direct costs relating to a
production order. Adding code numbers or letters to the job-
order number reveals more information about the job.
 Break up long sentences.
(Limiting Content)

DON’T
I should appreciate first obtaining clearance from your bureau,
subsequent to which I plan to send this preliminary draft
through appropriate channels to Mr. Suarez of the Nevada
agency, asking him for information we need in order to discuss
the statistics for the entire year, and also inviting someone in
the agency to participate as joint author of the final article.
 Break up long sentences.
(Limiting Content)

DO
I should appreciate first obtaining clearance from your bureau.
Then I plan to send this preliminary draft through appropriate
channels to Mr. Suarez of the Nevada agency, asking him for
information we need in order to discuss the statistics for the
entire year. I plan also to invite someone in the agency to
participate as joint author of the final article.
 Writing Economically
(Eliminate cluttering phrases.)
 Regardless of the fact that sales increased, profits
continue to decline.
 Even though sales increased, profits continue to decline.
 Production will decrease next month due to the fact that
we must retool for the next model.
 Production will decrease next fall because we must retool
for the next model.
 In very few instances do the salespeople receive bonuses
over the amount of $100.
 The salespeople seldom receive bonuses over $100.
 At all times the cash box is kept locked.
 The cash box is always locked.
 Writing Economically
(Eliminate cluttering phrases.)
 At whatever time we receive a special order it is
immediately sent to the production planning department.
 Whenever we receive a special order, we send it to the
production planning department.

 Contrary to our expectations, the new law will allow the

company to reduce its income taxes.
 Unexpectedly, the new law will let the company reduce its
income taxes.

 In some instances, we sell directly to the retailer.

 Sometimes we sell directly to the retailer.
 Writing Economically
(Cut surplus words.)
 You are hereby instructed to send all daily reports directly to
this office as promptly as possible.
 Send all reports to this office promptly.
 Your attention is directed to paragraph 3, which summarizes
the findings of this study.
 Paragraph 3 summarizes the findings of this study.
 Enclosed herewith are general instructions which are sent to
you for your guidance and information.
 The enclosed general instructions are for your guidance and
information.
 Writing Economically
(Cut surplus words.)
 On the date of March 1, all reports must be ready for the
purpose of mailing them to the home office.
 All reports must be ready to mail to the home office by March 1.
 It will be observed that all reports coming from our St. Louis
headquarters are routed through the district sales managers.
 Reports from our St. Louis headquarters are routed through the
district sales managers.

 Enclosed herewith are two copies of the status report.

 Enclosed are two copies of the status report.
 Writing Economically
(Rephrase roundabout constructions.)
 All the books are in readiness for the annual audit.
 The books are ready for the annual audit.
 The charge of negligence has been denied by all four of the officers.
 The four officers denied the negligence charge.
 It is our expectation that this plan will be successful.
 We expect the plan to succeed.
 There have been many times when we suspected theft.
 Many times we suspected theft.
 It is our conclusion that production should stop.
 We conclude that production should stop.
 Writing Economically
(Rephrase roundabout constructions.)
 We are in receipt of your report.
 We received your report.
 Your attention is invited to the contents of enclosed
brochures.
 Please see the enclosed brochures.
 We are not in a position to stop the trend.
 We cannot stop the trend.
 Please find enclosed a list of applicants.
 A list of applicants is enclosed.
 Writing Economically
(Remove unnecessary repetition.)
 We have verified the charges to your account and find that
the account balances on our books agree with the account
balances on your books.
 We have verified the charges to your account and find that
our records agree with yours.

 This change will enable us to get started sooner than if we

wait for a later date.
 This change will enable us to get started sooner.

 At the present time the research is almost complete.

 The research is almost complete.
 Writing Economically
(Remove unnecessary repetition.)
 You must do and perform the following duties and
functions.
 You must perform the following duties.
 While auditing a good auditor follows the accepted
procedures for auditing.
 A good auditor follows accepted procedures.
 The manager repeatedly kept telling me over and over
again.
 The manager repeatedly reminded me.
 This situation calls for quick and expeditious action.
 This situation calls for quick action.
 Sentence Emphasis
 Write sentences that give their contents
proper emphasis.
 Short sentences stand out (an item
standing alone gets emphasis).
 Long sentences de-emphasize content
(the two or more items share emphasis).
 All Short Sentences
(The effect is choppy.)

The main building was inspected on October 1. Mr. George

Wills inspected the building. Mr.Wills is a vice president of
the company. He found that the building has 6,500 square
feet of floor space. He also found that it has 2,400 square
feet of storage space. The new store must have a minimum
of 6,000 square feet of floor space. It must have 2,000
square feet of storage space. Thus, the main building
exceeds the space requirements for the new store.
Therefore, Mr. Wills concluded that the main building is
adequate for the company’s needs.
 Some Subordination
(but not logical)

Mr. George Wills, who inspected the main building on

October 1, is a vice president of the company. His
inspection, which supports the conclusion that the building
is large enough for the proposed store, uncovered these
facts. The building has 6,500 square feet of floor space
and 2,400 square of feet of storage space, which is more
than the minimum requirements of 6,000 and 2,000
square feet, respectively, of floor and storage space.
 Good Subordination
(important points emphasized)

The main building is large enough for the new store. This
conclusion, reached by Vice President George Wills following
his October 1 inspection of the building, is based on these
facts: The building’s 6,500 square feet of floor space
exceeded the minimum requirements by 500 square feet.
The 2,400 square feet of storage spaced exceeded the
minimum requirement by 400 square feet.
 Include only related ideas for
sentence unity.
 The Passman shredder was the first manufactured, and we
have had a Timmons since 1996.
 The Passman shredder was the first manufactured. We
have had a Timmons since 1996.
 The weather was unusually bad last month, and sales of
Drummond products increased 12 percent.
 Even though the weather was unusually bad last month,
our sales of Drummond products increased 12 percent.
 We value your satisfaction, and we have carefully looked
into the handling of your order.
 Because we value your satisfaction, we carefully looked
into the handling of your order.
Include only necessary detail for
sentence unity.
Both hotels can guarantee the 250 rooms we will require,
although the Marriott is new (since 2002) and its rooms
are more modern and therefore more appealing, but the
69-year old Westgate is well preserved and comfortable.

Both hotels can guarantee the 250 rooms we will require.

The Marriott is new (since 2002), and its rooms are
modern and, therefore, more appealing. The 69-year old
Westgate, however, is well preserved and comfortable.
Include only necessary detail for
sentence unity.
 I rented offices in Marina Towers, a downtown office
building, and the suite rents for $3,000 per month for three
executive offices which open into a single support office
which is large enough for two administrative assistants.

 I rented offices in Marina Towers, a downtown office

building. The office suite selected rented for $3,000 per
month. It has three executive offices, each opening into a
single support office, which is large enough for two
administrative assistants.
 Use logical construction for
sentence unity.
 We cleared the site, and then the foundation was constructed.
 We cleared the site, and then we constructed the foundation.
 Because our inventories have decreased has increased our back
orders.
 Our decrease in inventories caused an increase in back orders.
 Helping people to help themselves is how I got the job done.
 I got the job done by helping people to help themselves.
 Use logical construction for
sentence unity.
 Because I have a degree in information systems is the
reason I am qualified for the job.
 My degree in information systems qualifies me for the
job.

 The fact that sales increased is because we opened new

territories.
 Our sales increased because we opened new territories.
 Lack of Unity in a Paragraph
This paragraph inserts information about personal
qualities into a paragraph about coursework.
At the university I studied all the basic accounting courses as
well as specialized courses in taxation and computer security. I
also took specialized coursework in the behavioral areas, with
emphasis on human relations. Realizing the value of human
relations in business, I also actively participated in
organizations such as Sigma Nu (social fraternity), Delta Sigma
Pi (professional fraternity), and University Sing. I selected my
elective coursework to round out my general business
education. Among my electives were courses in investments,
business report writing, and business ethics. A glance at my
resume will show you the additional courses that round out my
training.
Contrasting Pages: Long Paragraphing
versus Short Paragraphing

Heavy paragraphs make Short paragraphs give

the writing appear to be well-organized effect --
dull and difficult. invite the reader to read.
 Topic Sentences in
Paragraph Construction
In constructing a chart line, you should plot the item to be
illustrated as a continuous line on a grid. On the grid, you
should plot time on the horizontal axis (X-axis). You should plot
the value of the series on the vertical axis (Y-axis). You should
include the scale values and time periods on the axis lines.
You may also compare two or more series on the same line
chart. In such a comparison, you should clearly distinguish the
lines by color or form (dots, dashes, dots and dashes, and the
like). You should clearly label them by a legend somewhere in
the chart. But the number of series that you may compare on
one chart is limited. As a practical rule, four or five series
should be a maximum.
 Variations in Emphasis
1st version:
I cannot recommend Jennifer for promotion. She has a bad
temper which has led to many personal problems with the
work group. Thus, her promotion would be hugely unpopular
with the other employees and it would lead to unrest within
the company. On the other hand, she has a good knowledge of
office procedures and she works hard, not to mention the fact
that she has performed her job well and is pleasant most of the
time. I therefore approve a 5 percent raise for her.
 Variations in Emphasis
1st version:
I cannot recommend Jennifer for promotion. She has a bad
temper which has led to many personal problems with the
work group. Thus, her promotion would be hugely unpopular
with the other employees and it would lead to unrest within
the company. On the other hand, she has a good knowledge of
office procedures and she works hard, not to mention the fact
that she has performed her job well and is pleasant most of the
time. I therefore approve a 5 percent raise for her.
 Variations in Emphasis
1st version:
I cannot recommend Jennifer for promotion. She has a bad
temper which has led to many personal problems with the
work group. Thus, her promotion would be hugely unpopular
with the other employees and it would lead to unrest within
the company. On the other hand, she has a good knowledge of
office procedures and she works hard, not to mention the fact
that she has performed her job well and is pleasant most of the
time. I therefore approve a 5 percent raise for her.
 Variations in Emphasis
1st version:
I cannot recommend Jennifer for promotion. She has a bad
temper which has led to many personal problems with the
work group. Thus, her promotion would be hugely unpopular
with the other employees and it would lead to unrest within
the company. On the other hand, she has a good knowledge of
office procedures and she works hard, not to mention the fact
that she has performed her job well and is pleasant most of the
time. I therefore approve a 5 percent raise for her.
 Variations in Emphasis
1st version:
I cannot recommend Jennifer for promotion. She has a bad
temper which has led to many personal problems with the
work group. Thus, her promotion would be hugely unpopular
with the other employees and it would lead to unrest within
the company. On the other hand, she has a good knowledge of
office procedures and she works hard, not to mention the fact
that she has performed her job well and is pleasant most of the
time. I therefore approve a 5 percent raise for her.
 Variations in Emphasis
2nd version:
 Variations in Emphasis
2nd version:
I approve a 5 percent raise for Jennifer. She has a good knowledge of
office procedures and has performed her job well. She is also a hard
worker and a pleasant person most of the time. On the other hand,
her bad temper has led to many personal problems with the work
group. As a result, I cannot recommend her for promotion.
 Variations in Emphasis
2nd version:
I approve a 5 percent raise for Jennifer. She has a good knowledge of
office procedures and has performed her job well. She is also a hard
worker and a pleasant person most of the time. On the other hand,
her bad temper has led to many personal problems with the work
group. As a result, I cannot recommend her for promotion.
 Variations in Emphasis
2nd version:
I approve a 5 percent raise for Jennifer. She has a good knowledge of
office procedures and has performed her job well. She is also a hard
worker and a pleasant person most of the time. On the other hand,
her bad temper has led to many personal problems with the work
group. As a result, I cannot recommend her for promotion.
 Variations in Emphasis
2nd version:
I approve a 5 percent raise for Jennifer. She has a good knowledge of
office procedures and has performed her job well. She is also a hard
worker and a pleasant person most of the time. On the other hand,
her bad temper has led to many personal problems with the work
group. As a result, I cannot recommend her for promotion.
 Variations in Emphasis
2nd version:
I approve a 5 percent raise for Jennifer. She has a good knowledge of
office procedures and has performed her job well. She is also a hard
worker and a pleasant person most of the time. On the other hand,
her bad temper has led to many personal problems with the work
group. As a result, I cannot recommend her for promotion.
1st version:
I cannot recommend Jennifer for promotion. She has a bad temper
which has led to many personal problems with the work group. Thus,
her promotion would be hugely unpopular with the other employees
and it would lead to unrest within the company. On the other hand,
she has a good knowledge of office procedures and she works hard,
not to mention the fact that she has performed her job well and is
pleasant most of the time. I therefore approve a 5 percent raise for
her.

2nd version:
I approve a 5 percent raise for Jennifer. She has a good knowledge of
office procedures and has performed her job well. She is also a hard
worker and a pleasant person most of the time. On the other hand,
her bad temper has led to many personal problems with the work
group. As a result, I cannot recommend her for promotion.
1st version:
I cannot recommend Jennifer for promotion. She has a bad temper
which has led to many personal problems with the work group. Thus,
her promotion would be hugely unpopular with the other employees
and it would lead to unrest within the company. On the other hand,
she has a good knowledge of office procedures and she works hard,
not to mention the fact that she has performed her job well and is
pleasant most of the time. I therefore approve a 5 percent raise for
her.

2nd version:
I approve a 5 percent raise for Jennifer. She has a good knowledge of
office procedures and has performed her job well. She is also a hard
worker and a pleasant person most of the time. On the other hand,
her bad temper has led to many personal problems with the work
group. As a result, I cannot recommend her for promotion.
 Choosing the Right Tone for the
Reader
Forceful (writer being in control or in a positive situation)

- use the Active Voice

- avoid 'weasel words' (maybe, could, perhaps)
- use the Imperative
- indicate responsibility
 Choosing the Right Tone for the
Reader
Passive (when reader has more power or situation is negative)

- avoid the use of Imperatives

- use the Passive Voice
- use 'weasel words'
- use longer sentences
- avoid taking responsibility
 Choosing the Right Tone for the
Reader
Personal (when reader and writer are equal)

- use the Active Voice

- use First Names
- use 'weasel words‘ (when situation is negative)
- use shorter sentences
- use Personal Pronouns (I, You, He, She, etc.)
 Choosing the Right Tone for the
Reader
Impersonal (when writing to third parties)

- do not use first names

- use the Passive Voice
- use longer sentences
- do not use personal pronouns
 Choosing the Right Tone for the
Reader
Forceful
I have decided to implement your suggestion to form quality circles
in our plant. This proposal has great merit. You have demonstrated
that we can raise morale and increase the bottom line. Make an
appointment to see me in order to set up the basic planning.
 Choosing the Right Tone for the
Reader
Passive
The suggestion to form quality circles has not been accepted. The
discussion of morale and bottom line benefits could possibly have
other results than those indicated. Because this decision could affect
the planning cycle, a meeting on this matter will be scheduled soon.
 Choosing the Right Tone for the
Reader
Forceful (negative)
We reject your quality circles proposal. Your conclusions about
morale and benefits are wrong. Neither morale nor benefits will
increase as much as you predict. Make an appointment to see me if
you want.
 Choosing the Right Tone for the
Reader
Personal
Jack, thanks for that suggestion about quality circles. It's great. We
all like the way it will raise morale and increase our bottom line. I'd
like to see you soon on this. Would you like to make an appointment
to see me?
 Choosing the Right Tone for the
Reader
Personal (negative)
Jack, thanks for the suggestion about quality circles but we can't just
do it right now. I agree with your point about morale, but I think
you've missed an important figure for the bottom-line argument. I
know this is a disappointment for you. Could we get together to
discuss what to do next?
 Choosing the Right Tone for the
Reader
Impersonal
A decision to implement a quality circles proposal has been made.
This project should increase both employee morale and the profits of
the company. The following will attend a meeting on Monday at
4:00p.m. to discuss implementation of this proposal: J. Jones, J.
Smith, and E. Johnson.
 Include only necessary
information.
This paragraph tells more than the reader needs to know:
In reviewing the personnel history form you filled out last week,
I found an error that needs to be corrected. The section titled
“work history” has blank lines for three items of information. The
first is for dates employed. The second is for company name.
And the third is for type of work performed. On your form you
wrote company name only, and it extended across all three
blanks. You did not indicate years employed or your duties.
This information is important. It is reviewed by your supervisors
every time you are considered for promotion or for a pay
increase. Therefore, it must be completed. I request that you
come by my office and complete this form at your earliest
convenience.
 Include only necessary
information.
This paragraph tells more than the reader needs to know:
In reviewing the personnel history form you filled out last week,
I found an error that needs to be corrected. The section titled
“work history” has blank lines for three items of information. The
first is for dates employed. The second is for company name.
And the third is for type of work performed. On your form you
wrote company name only, and it extended across all three
blanks. You did not indicate years employed or your duties.
This information is important. It is reviewed by your supervisors
every time you are considered for promotion or for a pay
increase. Therefore, it must be completed. I request that you
come by my office and complete this form at your earliest
convenience.
 Include only necessary
information.
In reviewing the personnel history form you filled out last week, I found
an error that needs to be corrected.
The section titled “work history” has blank lines for three items of
information. The first is for dates employed. The second is for
company name. And the third is for type of work performed. On
your form you wrote company name only, and it extended across
all three blanks. You did not indicate years employed or your
duties. This information is important. It is reviewed by your
supervisors every time you are considered for promotion or for a
pay increase. Therefore, it must be completed.
I request that you come by my office and complete this form at your
earliest convenience.
 Include only necessary
information.
Only this information is really necessary:

Please come by my office at your earliest convenience to correct

an error in the personnel form you filled out last week.
 Give paragraphs movement
with transitional words and
phrases.
This paragraph moves steadily forward to reach its goals.
We at Digex take care of all the needs of your online business.
First, we supply the hardware and software necessary to get
your site up and running. Next, we make certain you are online
24/7/365 with our world-class data centers and networks. In
addition, we provide the administration, monitoring, and
security that assures your site success.
“Writing and thinking are inseparable.
Not only does thinking help us to write,
writing helps us to think.”
--Richard Lederer
The Write Way