LEGAL WRITING IN

ENGLISH
Unit Two
Christopher R. Kelley
Associate Professor of Law
University of Arkansas School of Law
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OMIT SURPLUS
WORDS
Chapter 2
Richard C. Wydick
Plain English for Lawyers
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Working Words and Glue Words

• Every English sentence has two kinds of words: working
words and glue words.

• Working words carry the meaning of the sentence.

• Glue words hold the working words together to form a

proper grammatical sentence.

• If the proportion of glue words is too high, that is a

symptom of a badly constructed sentence.
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Example (Pages 8 & 9)

• The ruling by the trial judge was prejudicial error for the
reason that it cut off cross-examination with respect to
issues that were vital.

• The ruling by the trial judge was prejudicial error for the
reason that it cut off cross-examination with respect to
issues that were vital.

• 24 words: 11 working words; 13 glue words.

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Example (Pages 8 & 9)

• The trial judge’s ruling was prejudicial error because it cut
off cross-examination on vital issues.

• The trial judge’s ruling was prejudicial error because it cut

off cross-examination on vital issues.

• 15 words: 10 working words; 5 glue words.

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Revise this sentence

• A signature on a pleading constitutes a certificate by the

signator that the instrument is not groundless or brought
in bad faith or for the purpose of harassment, except that
a signature on a general denial will not provide a basis for
a violation on these grounds.
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Working words

• A signature on a pleading constitutes a certificate by the

signator that the instrument is not groundless or brought
in bad faith or for the purpose of harassment, except that
a signature on a general denial will not provide a basis for
a violation on these grounds.
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Revised sentence

• Signing a pleading certifies it is not groundless, in bad

faith, or intended to harass, except when the pleading is a
general denial.
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Compare
Compare:

 Signing a pleading certifies it is not groundless, in bad faith, or

intended to harass, except when the pleading is a general denial.

With:

 A signature on a pleading constitutes a certificate by the signator

that the instrument is not groundless or brought in bad faith or for
the purpose of harassment, except that a signature on a general
denial will not provide a basis for a violation on these grounds.
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Revise this sentence

• At this point in time, no legal remedy is available due

to the fact that the statute of limitations has run.
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Revised sentences
• Wydick:
• At present, we have no legal remedy because the
statute of limitations has run.

• Alternatives
• A legal remedy is not available now because the
statute of limitations has run.

• No legal remedy is available now because the

statute of limitations has run.
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EXERCISES
Anne Enquist & Laurel Currie Oates, Just Writing:
Grammar, Punctuation, and Style for the Legal Writer
(3rd ed. 2009).
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1. Revise this sentence

• There are two defenses available to Acme.

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Sentence 1 revised

• Two defenses are available to Acme.

• OR

• Acme has two available defenses.

• Original: There are two defenses available to Acme.

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2. Revise this sentence

• In determining whether there was a sudden

emergency, courts also take into consideration
whether there was sufficient warning that should have
alerted the driver to the imminent danger.
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Sentence 2 revised
• In determining whether there was a sudden
emergency, courts also consider whether there was
sufficient warning that should have alerted the driver
to the imminent danger.

• (It is effective to keep both there was expletives because

the point of the sentence is the existence of a sudden
emergency and the existence of sufficient warning.)

• Original: In determining whether there was a sudden

emergency, courts also take into consideration whether there
was sufficient warning that should have alerted the driver to
the imminent danger.
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3. Revise this sentence

• The court will give Fed. R. Civ. P. 4(d)(1) a liberal

construction.
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Sentence 3 revised

• The court will liberally construe Fed. R. Civ. P. 4(d)(1).

• Original: The court will give Fed. R. Civ. P. 4(d)(1) a liberal

construction.
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4. Revise this sentence

• There is a difference in opinion between the two

parties over whether the deposit is refundable.
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Sentence 4 revised

• The two parties differ over whether the deposit is

refundable.

• Original: There is a difference in opinion between the two

parties over whether the deposit is refundable.
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5. Revise this sentence

• It appears that if "substantial" is held to be analogous

with "principal," then five percent of a total business
would be the minimum necessary to establish that
certain sales of merchandise are a "principal" part of
a business.
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Sentence 5 revised

• If "substantial" is held to be analogous with

"principal," then five per cent of a total business
would be the minimum necessary to establish that
certain sales of merchandise are a "principal" part of
a business.

• Original: It appears that if "substantial" is held to be

analogous with "principal," then five percent of a total
business would be the minimum necessary to establish that
certain sales of merchandise are a "principal" part of a
business.
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6. Revise this sentence

• It was the legislature's intention to encourage

corporations to explore new ways of reducing energy
costs.
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Sentence 6 revised

• The legislature intended to encourage corporations to

explore new ways of reducing energy costs.

• Original: It was the legislature's intention to encourage

corporations to explore new ways of reducing energy costs.
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7. Revise this sentence

• After thoroughly researching your complaint against

Mr. Brown, I have come to the conclusion that the
best way to recover the $2,500 that he owes you is to
file a lien against his orchard.
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Sentence 7 revised

• After thoroughly researching your complaint against

Mr. Brown, I conclude that the best way to recover the
$2500 that he owes you is to file a lien against his
orchard.

• Original: After thoroughly researching your complaint against

Mr. Brown, I have come to the conclusion that the best way to
recover the $2,500 that he owes you is to file a lien against his
orchard.
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8. Revise this sentence

• An important consideration to be kept in mind,

however, is that the boys deny making any threats.
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Sentence 8 revised

• The boys deny making any threats.

• Original: An important consideration to be kept in mind,

however, is that the boys deny making any threats.
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9. Revise this sentence

• The defendant has made a motion to suppress the

evidence seized after the arrest.
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Sentence 9 revised

• The defendant has moved to suppress the evidence

seized after the arrest.

• Original: The defendant has made a motion to suppress the

evidence seized after the arrest.
•
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10. Revise this sentence

• It was not error for the trial court to fail to instruct on

the absence of intervening cause.
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Sentence 10 revised

• The trial court did not err in failing to instruct on the

absence of intervening cause.

• Original: It was not error for the trial court to fail to instruct on
the absence of intervening cause.
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Avoid Compound Constructions

• At that point in time • Then
• By means of • By
• By reason of • Because of
• By virtue of • By, under
• For the purpose to • To
• For the reason that • Because
• In accordance with • By, under
• Inasmuch as • Since
• Prior to • Before
• Subsequent to • After
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Avoid Word-Wasting Idioms

• The fact that she had died • Her death

• He was aware of the fact • He knew that

that
• In some instances the • Sometimes the parties
parties can can

• This is a topic that • This topic

• Until such time as • Until

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“There is” & “It is” (Expletives)

• Compare:
• There are two birds on the wire.
• Two birds are on the wire.

• There are four reasons supporting this result.

• Four reasons support this result.

• It is a flawed argument.
• The argument is flawed.

• (Idioms are okay: for example, It is raining.)

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Focus on the Actor, the Action, and the Object

• Ask yourself: “Who is doing what to whom in this

sentence.”

• Then focus on:

• The actor,
• The action, and
• The object of the action (if there is an object).
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Actor, action, object of the action

• First, state the actor.

• Second, state the action, using the strongest verb that
will fit.
• Last, state the object of the action, if there is an object of
the action.

• Example needing improvement:

• It is possible for the court to modify the judgment.

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Actor, action, object of the action

• It is possible for the court to modify the judgment.

• Actor: Court
• Action: Modify
• Object of the action: Judgment

• What does “it is possible” do?

• Where is the most important position in this sentence?

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Actor, action, object of the action

• Compare

• It is possible for the court to modify the judgment.

• With

• The court can modify the judgment.

• The second sentence is shorter and stronger.

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“It” followed by “is”

• Compare
• The summons arrived this morning. It is on your
desk.

• With
• It is obvious that the summons was not properly
served.

• Where is the “it” pointing?

• Omit the “it”: Obviously the summons was not
properly served.
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EXERCISES
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1. Revise this sentence

• You may be sure that the argument of the plaintiff did

not convince the judge, and, therefore, she made her
ruling against the plaintiff.
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Sentence 1 revised

• The plaintiff’s argument did not convince the judge;

therefore, she ruled against him.

• Original: You may be sure that the argument of the plaintiff did
not convince the judge, and, therefore, she made her ruling
against the plaintiff.
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2. Revise this sentence

• It should be noted that this is the second time that the

attorney for the defendant has arrived in the
courtroom after the time set for the hearing.
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Sentence 2 revised

• This is the second time the defendant’s attorney has

arrived late for a hearing.

• Original: It should be noted that this is the second time that

the attorney for the defendant has arrived in the courtroom
after the time set for the hearing.
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3. Revise this sentence

• The requirements of the rules of decorum of the court

require that large briefcases be kept on the floor, in
the laps of the attorneys sitting at the table where
counsel sit, or anywhere else except on the table
where counsel sit.
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Sentence 3 revised

• Large briefcases must not be placed on counsels’

table.
• OR
• The rules of decorum prohibit placing large
briefcases on counsels’ table.

• Original: The requirements of the rules of decorum of the

court require that large briefcases be kept on the floor, in the
laps of the attorneys sitting at the table where counsel sit, or
anywhere else except on the table where counsel sit.
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4. Revise this sentence

• In the case of individuals, they are not eligible for an

award of attorneys’ fees under the Equal Access to
Justice Act (EAJA) if their annual gross revenue
exceeds $1,000,000.00.
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Sentence 4 revised

• Individuals whose annual gross revenue exceeds $1

million are not eligible for attorney’s fees under the
Equal Access to Justice Act (EAJA).

• Original: In the case of individuals, they are not eligible for an

award of attorneys’ fees under the Equal Access to Justice
Act (EAJA) if their annual gross revenue exceeds
$1,000,000.00.
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5. Revise this sentence

• Prior to being eligible for an award of attorney’s fees,

the party who wants to be awarded attorney’s fees
will have to submit an application seeking attorneys’
fees.
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Sentence 5 revised

• A party who wants to be awarded attorney’s fees

must apply for them.

• Original: Prior to being eligible for an award of attorney’s fees,

the party who wants to be awarded attorney’s fees will have to
submit an application seeking attorneys’ fees.
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The
End