Communication

Science B1

Week 2

Lecturer: Ms M. Nethengwe
 Overview Weekly Overview

Learn about Throughout this week you will learn about interpersonal communication.

Refer to the Overview and Objectives for a detailed breakdown of the

Refer learning outcomes and assessment criteria.

Week 2: Interpersonal Communication

 • By the end of this topic you should be able to:

• Discuss Buber’s theory of interpersonal relationships.

• Provide examples of the various social norms and roles that govern
interpersonal interactions.
• Examine the characteristics of personal relationships

• Explain Knapp and Vangelisti’s model of how relationships come

together and grow apart with the use of relevant examples.
• Distinguish between the different relationship climates with the use
of examples. Discuss how conflict can be resolved in interpersonal
relationships.

Objectives
• Discuss self-disclosure, the Johari-window of self-disclosure and the
impact of self-disclosure on personal relationships.
• Explain the influence of dominance, power and status on
interpersonal relationships.
• Use examples to illustrate the various needs and motivations for
engaging in interpersonal communication.
• Illustrate the importance of assertiveness in social interactions and
interpersonal relationships.
• Discuss Goffman’s theory on presenting the self in everyday life.
 ‘The quality of your life is directly related to the
quality of your communication’ (Steward 1990, p. 7).
This statement reinforces sociological research that
has found meaningful interpersonal relationships to
be the most important contributors to personal
happiness (DeVito 1998; Tubbs, Moss & Papastefanou
2.1 2012). Interpersonal relationships with friends, family,
Introductio colleagues and even strangers are thus significant to a
meaningful, quality life. Communication is the
n foundation of all interpersonal relationships as we
establish, develop, maintain and terminate
relationships with the use of communication (Tubbs,
Moss & Papastefanou 2012; Steinberg & Angelopulo
2015).
2.2 Buber’s theory of Interpersonal
Communication

Humans are by nature communicating beings

(Buber 1964; 1970). By communicating with
other people on a daily basis we form
relationships with them which can give
significant meaning to our lives, depending on
the type of relationship we create. Buber’s
theory on interpersonal relationships describes
two types of interpersonal relationships based
on the nature of the communication that takes
place between the participants: I-you
 Buber’s theory of
Interpersonal
Communication

Monologue: Although there are two

people involved, the communicator is
the only participant; he or she
expresses his or her point of view
without taking into account the needs
or responses of the recipient; one-
sided conversation with no exchange
of meaning between participants.
 2.2.1 I-you relationship versus I-it
relationship
I-you relationship I-it relationship

• Mutual respect, sincerity, honesty • ‘I’ does not see partner as an equal subject in the relationship
• Reciprocal relationship • ‘It’ is an object to be manipulated
• ‘I’ reaches out to ‘you’ with whole being • ‘I’ engage in monologue to persuade the ‘it’ to his/her way of
• ‘‘You’ responds with whole being • thinking
• Both participants reveal the persons they really are • Views and needs of ‘it’ are not taken into account
• Both communicate their own feelings, thoughts and beliefs Not a relationship of mutual trust, openness of reciprocity
• ‘I’ accept the ‘you’ as a unique individual Recipient is used by the ‘I’ to achieve his/her own end
• Inter-human domain: dialogue unfolds and ‘I’ and ‘you’ No understanding of one another
become ‘we’

• I-it relationships are unavoidable in everyday life

Table 2.1 - is a summary of the main differences between I-you

relationships and I-it relationships. You have to be able to
discuss and explain these differences in detailed paragraphs with
some of your own examples.
 Every interpersonal relationship is influenced by the norms and rules of society. These
norms and rules govern the way individuals behave in their relationships (Tubbs, Moss &
Papastefanou 2012, p. 176).
Norms are rules that regulate our behaviour. These rules function as guidelines for
everyday interactions, from how to address one another to what behaviour is acceptable

2.3 and unacceptable for intimate relationships. When people do not conform to social
norms, they can find themselves in situations where feel offended, hurt, shocked,

Interperson surprised, ignored or startled.

Rules are a set of norms that apply to specific individuals in a given society. A husband

al and wife, lecturer and student, employer and employee all have unique sets of rules that
govern the way they communicate with one another. In your prescribed textbook you will

relationship find the descriptions of the following three subcategories of rules:

s in social • Expected versus enacted rules

context • Inter-role conflict

• Intra-role conflict
 2.4 Personal Relationships Defined
Personal relationships are characterised by five aspects:

· Uniqueness: No two individuals, or relationships, are the same.

· Commitment: the decisions to remain in a relationship and to have some common goal in mind.

· Relationship rules: individuals have a certain understanding between themselves about what to say and do etc. Relationship rules can be divided into
constructive and regulative rules:

◊ Constructive rules refer to the nature of the communication within the relationship.

◊ Regulative rules aim to regulate the interaction in the relationship.

· The effect of context: all relationships are influenced by the rest of society.

· Relational dialectics: tensions and stresses we experience during our personal relationships. In your prescribed textbook you will find the detailed
description of the three main categories of relational dialectics:

◊ Autonomy/connection

◊ Novelty/predictability

◊ Openness/closeness
2.5 Stages in the Development of
Interpersonal Relationships

Knapp and Vangelisti (1996; 2005)

The figure below illustrates the ten
developed a model that illustrates the
stages in the development of
stages of how interpersonal relationships
interpersonal relationships. You have to
come together and come apart. A central
be able to discuss and give your own
element in each of these stages is
examples of each of these ten stages;
communication: without communication
however these stages are discussed in
the relationship will not develop, be
detail in your prescribed textbook.
maintained or deteriorate.
Figure 2.1 - Model of relationship development (Knapp & Vangelisti, 2005, p. 48)
 2.6.1 Evaluation versus Descriptive
Evaluative statements are statements that make us feel like we are being evaluated
or judged. Comments such as ‘I can’t believe you did that, you should know better!’
2.6 can easily be misinterpreted as a negative accusation that will cause a defensive
response.

Relationshi It is always better to use descriptive communication messages in interpersonal

relationships, as they describe the situation from your perspective, rather than

p climates: evaluate and accuse the other person. An example of a descriptive communication
messages is: ‘I find it hard to believe that you did what you did because I feel you
could have handled it better’.
defensive 2.6.2 Certainty versus Provisionalism

and Statements that contain an attitude of certainty, or an absolute, final judgment, do

not allow any further deliberation on the matter. Comments such as ‘I’ve made up
my mind and I’m not talking about it anymore’ are one-sided and create inequality in
supportive interpersonal relationships.

climates
Provisional statements show that, although we have an opinion on a certain topic,
we are still open to discussion and that we respect contradicting opinions, for
example ‘I want to go ahead with my plans as discussed. What do you think about
it?
 2.6.3 Strategy versus Spontaneity
Some communication messages contain unspoken strategic or
hidden agendas. If underlying messages are not communicated
aloud they leave the recipient feeling uneasy and unsure of
what to expect. Comments such as ‘I can help you if you like,
2.6 but you’ll owe me one’ create a feeling of manipulation into
some kind of action for the sender’s own interest.
Relationshi Spontaneous statements are open, honest, and trustworthy
and leave the recipient with a clear understanding of what is
p climates: expected of him or her, for example ‘I can help you with your
assignment if you’ll help me with my math homework?’
defensive 2.6.4 Control versus Problem Orientation

and ‘I’ve done this before. Let’s do it my way and you’ll see it
works’, is a statement that leaves others feeling less capable of
supportive contributing anything worthwhile because of a lack of respect
for their ideas. Controlling statements force others to do or say
something and often lead to defensive behaviour. Problem
climates orientation communication aims to solve the problem or issue
in the best way with the help of all involved, for example ‘Let’s
go around the room and hear how each of us would do this.
Then we can choose the best course of action.
 2.6.5 Neutral versus Empathy

Neutral responses do not express support or involvement and create in the receiver a feeling of
being unattached or isolated with no support or understanding, for example:

Sam: I’m very worried about my job interview tomorrow. What if I say something stupid?

2.6 John: You’ll do fine.

Relationshi Empathetic statements show support, caring and understanding. You do not necessarily have to
agree with what is being said, but you do show that you are attempting to understand what the
other person is going through:

p climates: Sam: I’m very worried about my job interview tomorrow. What if I say something stupid?

defensive John: It is completely normal to be nervous about the interview, but you are a smart person.
Remember that and don’t doubt yourself unnecessarily. I believe you will do great.

and 2.6.6 Superiority versus Equality

You are still very inexperienced. I think it best if I just do this myself.’ This statement of superiority

supportive
leaves your opinions, ideas or actions completely disregarded and makes you feel incompetent,
unprepared and even unworthy.

climates
Statements that show equality promote an open communication channel between all parties
involved and demonstrate mutual respect, understanding and commitment, for example ‘I know
you might never have done this before, but let’s do it together. I can show you what I know and you
can offer some fresh ideas.’
2.7 Conclusion
This week you learnt about interpersonal communication between two people and how
important this type of communication is for the forming and maintaining of interpersonal
relationships. When we communicate with other people, we use communication to form
either I-you or I-it relationships.
Each of our interpersonal relationships is affected by social norms and roles, and each
relationship has certain common characteristics like uniqueness and relational dialectics.
Relationships are created in five stages, and if attention is not paid to the communication
in relationships, they will deteriorate and eventually terminate.
Communication creates certain climates in relationships and it is the means to manage
and resolve the inevitable conflict inherent in relationships.