2017 Emotional Resiliency for Teens in Foster Care

Editor's Notes

• #3: KIERRA: This workshop has been designed by former foster care children to equip professionals to facilitate the emotional development of youth in care. Presenters will share national research on foster care alumni and post-traumatic stress disorder. Models will be shared to support the development of personal boundaries and to build trusting, restorative relationships. Participants will reconsider existing child welfare policies and discuss how they might help or hinder emotional development – and even long-term emotional survival.
• #4: KIERRA: Foster Care Alumni of America has created an ongoing Postcard Project, in which postcards are created by people in and from foster care. As we build the foster care alumni movement, we are constantly discovering that - regardless of age, ethnicity, geography, education, occupation, or placement history - as alumni of the foster care system we have a great deal in common – and what we share is the culture of foster care. During this presentation, we will be sharing some of those postcards. These postcards clearly illustrate the stigma of foster care.
• #5: KIERRA On your tables are index cards. Do not write your name on them. Please write down: What’s the worst thing you ever did as a teenager? When you are finished, turn them in. We want to credit this wonderful workshop activity to Michael Sanders, a national advocate for youth who was one of the founding members of the Ohio chapter of Foster Care Alumni of America.
• #6: KIERRA: The language used in case files about children is hurtful and offensive. If it cannot be changed, then we should teach foster parents and social workers how to interpret it.
• #7: KIERRA: Before making judgments and stereotypes about foster children, it can be valuable to step back and consider the context of behavior. This does not mean forever making excuses. Each one of us can still be challenged to grow. But thinking about the context makes us compassionate instead of judgmental. It makes us perceptive, rather than small-minded.
• #8: KIERRA: Young people report having deep concerns about what is written in their file and the level of confidentiality. - They want permission to read their foster care file, and check its veracity If they read something in it that is not true, they want that that information be changed - Juvenile records are “closed” when a juvenile reaches age 18, but case files can haunt former foster children for much longer
• #9: DORIS: The pre-frontal cortex, which handles reasoning, grows during the pre-teen years. But it is pruned back during adolescence, increasing impulsive, risk-taking behavior.
• #10: DORIS: Consequences and Risks: In general, foster children and foster alumni operate by a different set of rules and consequences. And they have a lot more paperwork!Here are two examples:1. Let's say you're a teenager and you act out. Will you:a.) Be transferred to a totally different place to live?b.) Be grounded for a month? 2. Let's say you're in college and you do a poor job of budgeting. Are you:a.) Now homeless?b.) Able to call Mom or Dad to bail you out?Foster teens in care learn that their mistakes have powerful ramifications. When they enter the adult world, they often don't know all the resources that are available. What they do know, and what I knew at that stage in my life, is that there is no safety net for them. That is a scary way to enter the adult world.
• #11: DORIS: Consequences and Risks: In general, foster children and foster alumni operate by a different set of rules and consequences. And they have a lot more paperwork!Here are two examples:1. Let's say you're a teenager and you act out. Will you:a.) Be transferred to a totally different place to live?b.) Be grounded for a month? 2. Let's say you're in college and you do a poor job of budgeting. Are you:a.) Now homeless?b.) Able to call Mom or Dad to bail you out?Foster teens in care learn that their mistakes have powerful ramifications. When they enter the adult world, they often don't know all the resources that are available. What they do know, and what I knew at that stage in my life, is that there is no safety net for them. That is a scary way to enter the adult world.
• #12: DORIS: One roadblock to resiliency is that foster care youth have learned – repeatedly – that is is safest to depend only on themselves, and to NOT emotionally connect to others.
• #13: DORIS: When you first came into this room, you picked a place for yourself and made it your own. You might have sat near a friend or co-worker.Some people like to sit at the front of the room, while others like to sit near the back. But you like having that choice. Let’s say that you really liked the person sitting next to you. Maybe you really wanted to get to know them. Well, now you are sitting way across the room from them, so perhaps you might try to catch them during the break. But otherwise you have missed your chance. If we kept making you change seats over and over again, you wouldn’t even try to attach to the person next to you. You might roll your eyes to express your frustration. But there would be no point trying to bond because you would know that I was getting ready to make you move anyway. Foster care comes with a recurring experience of displacement, which causes us to feel that we are ultimately and truly alone in the world: “The more I moved around, the more I felt like I could just walk away from something if there was a problem… What was the point of getting attached to anybody, if I was going to be moving soon?”
• #14: LISA: Early development assumes the environment into which an infant is born will not change significantly over the span of her lifetime. Ideally, that environment would be stable and safe. A child would be assured of protection and love The growing child will be given words to describe his/her emotions. This child would learn to identify feelings when experiencing them, and think about how to respond to that emotion. But what the first relationships of a child's life are broken? What if a child's safety and well-being are seriously threatened? - What if is an external threat that seems frightening and insurmountable? Brain Development1.) Anatomic brain structures that govern personality traits, learning processes and coping with stress and emotions are being established, strengthened and made permanent. If unused, these brain structures atrophy.2.) Nerve connections and neurotransmitter networks that are forming during these critical years are influenced negatively by lack of stimulation, child abuse and violence within the family.Emotional Development1.) The ability to attach emotionally. Paramount in the lives of children is the need for continuity with primary caregivers and a sense of permanence.To develop into a psychologically healthy human being, a child needs to have a stable relationship with at least one adult who is nurturing and protective and who fosters trust and security.This process is called attachment. It forms the basis for life-long relationships. Attachment is an active process: it can be secure or insecure. Attachment to a primary caregiver is necessary in order for a child to develop emotional security and a social conscience.2.) Developing a sense of self. Foster children are spending their formative years in a state of instability and insecurity.Adults cope with impermanence by building on a previously-built sense of self-reliance and by anticipating and planning for a time of greater constancy. Children, on the other hand, have limited life experience on which to establish their sense of self.An adult experiencing a time of chaos can think back to a time of stability in the past in order to anticipate and plan for stability in the future. For a child, everything is now. Power is in the hands of adults.
• #15: LISA: Foster children are spending their formative years in a state of instability and insecurity.Adults cope with impermanence by building on a previously-built sense of self-reliance and by anticipating and planning for a time of greater constancy. Children, on the other hand, have limited life experience on which to establish their sense of self.An adult experiencing a time of chaos can think back to a time of stability in the past in order to anticipate and plan for stability in the future. For a child, everything is now. Power is in the hands of adults
• #16: LISA: Vietnam War veterans reacted by rolling into a gutter in order to 'take cover' from the sound of a car backfiring. The sound triggered a full-body reenactment of the war experience. The subconscious, automatic response happened when the neural network associated with the trauma of war was triggered.It was not under the veteran's conscious control
• #17: LISA:
• #18: LISA: After having suffered a traumatic event, children often believe that if they are careful enough, they will recognize the warning signs and avoid future traumas. It is difficult for a person who is traumatized to learn new things. There is a sense of being scattered, distracted and unable to focus on work or daily activities. Making even simple decisions might seem overwhelming.
• #19: LISA: Traumatic memories are processed and stored differently than memories of ordinary events. "Normal" memories are encoded verbally, and thereby can be verbally communicated to others afterwards. But traumatic memories are experienced as emotions, sensations and physical states. The trauma survivor faces an odd contradiction. The memories are so vivid, rich with emotional and sensory details. Yet it's difficult to put words to these experiences, to make cognitive sense out of them. The phrase "speechless terror" is not a hyperbole; people literally cannot talk when affected in this way. PET scans demonstrate the physiological basis of this phenomenon: during flashbacks, oxygen levels and the verbal centers of the brain are affected.
• #20: LISA: Once again, the human brain is a remarkable thing. In the midst of chaos, the body goes into survival mode.   But when a young person finds a place of stability and safety – perhaps they’ve been adopted – or attached to a staff person at a particular group home – or are in college and staying at a college dorm – these memories begin to resurface.   This is a healthy thing – the brain wants to deal with them. But this is also a scary thing, if the young person doesn’t know what it happening. (Amanda story)
• #21: DORIS: Consequences and Risks: In general, foster children and foster alumni operate by a different set of rules and consequences. And they have a lot more paperwork!Here are two examples:1. Let's say you're a teenager and you act out. Will you:a.) Be transferred to a totally different place to live?b.) Be grounded for a month? 2. Let's say you're in college and you do a poor job of budgeting. Are you:a.) Now homeless?b.) Able to call Mom or Dad to bail you out?Foster teens in care learn that their mistakes have powerful ramifications. When they enter the adult world, they often don't know all the resources that are available. What they do know, and what I knew at that stage in my life, is that there is no safety net for them. That is a scary way to enter the adult world.
• #22: DORIS: Consequences and Risks: In general, foster children and foster alumni operate by a different set of rules and consequences. And they have a lot more paperwork!Here are two examples:1. Let's say you're a teenager and you act out. Will you:a.) Be transferred to a totally different place to live?b.) Be grounded for a month? 2. Let's say you're in college and you do a poor job of budgeting. Are you:a.) Now homeless?b.) Able to call Mom or Dad to bail you out?Foster teens in care learn that their mistakes have powerful ramifications. When they enter the adult world, they often don't know all the resources that are available. What they do know, and what I knew at that stage in my life, is that there is no safety net for them. That is a scary way to enter the adult world.
• #23: Network of Emotional Support for Adolescents Relationships can be destructive -- but they can also be restorative. Problems that were created through damaging relationships can be resolved through healing relationships. RESTORATIVE RELATIONSHIPS Offer the opportunity to: ￭ Rewrite the scripts of your life ￭ Put in a new storyline ￭ Seek out people who want the best for you ￭ Discover who you really are
• #24: KIERRA: In previous workshops with foster care youth and alumni, we asked them these questions… Can you guess their answers?
• #25: LISA: Erikson Stage 6: Intimacy vs. Isolation relates directly to the transitional stage of foster care The social task of young adulthood is to create lasting bonds of friendship & love When young people age out of foster care, they are vulnerable. Emotionally abusive relationships might seem familiar. Predators might come to them, offering to help – and then wanting something in return. Or foster care alumni might try to isolate themselves and take on life as a “Lone Ranger.” 1.) Intimacy vs. Isolation: The social task of the young adult is to create strong, long-lasting bonds of friendship and love. Those that fail in this task risk remaining isolated for the rest of their lives. 2.) Research: The ability to relate to other people is affected by personal exposure to trauma. This impact is felt most deeply in an intimate relationship but also has a “ripple effect” that affects every other relationship in that pterson’s life. 3.) Adults with the highest rate of broken relationships are those who shy away from emotional investment, reject any neediness in their romantic partners and withdraw during times of emotional distress. If the very first emotional / physical support systems of your life disappoint you, the logical response might very well be to depend upon yourself. This will often get you through the short-term, and ensure your physical survival.But, if at some point, you want to commit to another person, to love and be loved by them, that might be hard. Because, in loving them, you are vulnerable to them... and that means that since they are human, there will be moments when they disappoint you. And at those times, having them fail you might bring to the surface the memories of every other time that someone from your past has failed you.
• #28: ADRIAN: Throughout our lives, we are connecting and reconnecting with community. If you or I moved to a new city tomorrow, we’d need to adjust to a new workplace, new neighbors, and a new circle of friends. Every year, 20,000 foster children "age out” of foster care, and enter the adult world. Lacking the "roots" relied upon by young people from intact families, foster care youth need to build the skills to create and recreate support systems of our own.   Lisa Dickson designed this Circle of Restorative Relationships as a tool to coach young people to build (and rebuild) a circle of connections throughout their lives. It’s sort of like that Sprint commercial: “Who’s in your circle?” During a youth panel at the 2006 Casey It's My Life conference, young people said that they needed an entire network of connections, and not just one person. If they have only one person in their lives whom they can depend upon, and that person disappears, they will be left adrift and abandoned. We can help by identifying key figures in a young person’s life, and facilitating the building of future relationships.
• #29: KIERRA: 75% percent of children in foster care in the United States have a sibling who is also in care.   Research demonstrates that the sibling bond is stronger between brothers and sister from dysfunctional families.   When parents are neglectful or abusive, older siblings often voluntarily take on a quasi-parental role.   In abusive and/or neglectful families, it is common for siblings to nurture and protect one another. “They learn very early to depend on and cooperate with each other to cope with their common problems.”
• #30: KIERRA: Asks audience what role they played in their sibling group (if they had siblings) and what only their siblings might know. Quote from Time Magazine article: The New Science of Siblings: “From the time they are born, our brothers and sisters are our collaborators and co-conspirators, our role models and cautionary tales, our protective barrier against family upheaval. They are our scolds, protectors, goads, tormentors, playmates, counselors, sources of envy, objects of pride. They teach us how to resolve conflicts and how not to; how to conduct friendships and when to walk away from them. Sisters teach brothers about the mysteries of girls; brothers teach sisters about the puzzle of boys. Our spouses arrive comparatively late in our lives; our parents eventually leave us. Our siblings may be the only people we'll ever know who truly qualify as partners for life.”
• #31: KIERRA: When families break down, relationships become complex and complicated. Sibling relationships might include biological siblings who were relinquished or removed at birth, half-siblings, step-siblings or current/former foster siblings. Not all couples are married, so a sibling could include: "Mom's ex-boyfriend's daughter." This diagram illustrates sibling shared experiences: (created by Lisa) Shared biology Shared memories Shared history Common identity
• #32: ADRIAN: During Foster Care Month 2008, a statewide panel of young adults with foster care and adoptee experiences all agreed that the Family Tree Assignment was the most painful assignment that they had to do in school. When families break down, relationships become complex and complicated. Sibling relationships might include biological siblings who were relinquished or removed at birth, half-siblings, step-siblings or current/former foster siblings. Not all couples are married, so a sibling could include: "Mom's ex-boyfriend's daughter."
• #33: DORIS: Consequences and Risks: In general, foster children and foster alumni operate by a different set of rules and consequences. And they have a lot more paperwork!Here are two examples:1. Let's say you're a teenager and you act out. Will you:a.) Be transferred to a totally different place to live?b.) Be grounded for a month? 2. Let's say you're in college and you do a poor job of budgeting. Are you:a.) Now homeless?b.) Able to call Mom or Dad to bail you out?Foster teens in care learn that their mistakes have powerful ramifications. When they enter the adult world, they often don't know all the resources that are available. What they do know, and what I knew at that stage in my life, is that there is no safety net for them. That is a scary way to enter the adult world.
• #34: DORIS: Consequences and Risks: In general, foster children and foster alumni operate by a different set of rules and consequences. And they have a lot more paperwork!Here are two examples:1. Let's say you're a teenager and you act out. Will you:a.) Be transferred to a totally different place to live?b.) Be grounded for a month? 2. Let's say you're in college and you do a poor job of budgeting. Are you:a.) Now homeless?b.) Able to call Mom or Dad to bail you out?Foster teens in care learn that their mistakes have powerful ramifications. When they enter the adult world, they often don't know all the resources that are available. What they do know, and what I knew at that stage in my life, is that there is no safety net for them. That is a scary way to enter the adult world.
• #35: Strategies for Empowering Adolescents As Active Agents in the Healing Process Teens in the foster care system are perceived as being in need of various governmental services, rather than being able to offer valuable services to the community. Let teens pick the issue (e.g. YouthBuild USA) Involve youth in changing their own destinies (e.g. Vision Statement of Jim Casey Youth Opportunities Initiative) Support them during their involvement (e.g. AmeriCorps), and stay in touch afterwards Be trustworthy and reliable (e.g. FosterClub philosophy statement)
• #36: DORIS: A roundtable of “experts,” convened by Casey Family Services and the Annie E. Casey Foundation defined permanence as ‘having an enduring family relationship that is safe and meant to last a lifetime, offers the legal rights and social status of full family membership, provides for all levels of a young person’s development and assures lifelong connections to extended family, siblings, other significant adults, family history and traditions, race and ethnicity, culture, religion and language.”   Those are very lofty goals. It’s almost as if a group of people who emerged from a “normal” family looked at everything that they had, and said, “Yes, we want foster care youth to have that.” So, they set that as the standard, after taking upon themselves the responsibility to define what that standard is.  
• #37: DORIS: It is important to note that the child welfare system and youth define permanency differently. Focus groups of foster youth facilitated by the Urban Institute and those set up by the California Youth Connection received similar response.   Some youth referred to permanency as a physical or concrete entity. They said things like: “Staying in one place” and “Not having to move” and “A place to stay until you age out.”   Other young people said, “No, it’s more than a place to live. It’s that feeling of connection.” They defined permanency as an emotional commitment from other people.   One young man described the concept of permanency as being like a permanent marker; he said, “If you draw on the paper, that mark ain’t going nowhere. The paper may go somewhere or it could be picked up, but the mark ain’t going nowhere.” This is a great image. Think about the people who have made an indelible mark upon your life. Not all of them were connected to you by blood, birth or legal contract. Broadening Our Definition of PermanencyWe live in a pluralistic society, where the word ‘family’ can be defined in many ways. Perhaps the definition of permanency from that roundtable was more than just lofty… maybe it was limiting, too.I would ask the experts: "Is it a nuclear family that we are trying to accomplish, and is anything less a failure? Are we engaging in partisan politics? Or are we trying to lay a foundation that will lead to lifelong emotional resiliency?"Foster care alumni often report finding their first experience of “permanency” through friendships and mentoring relationships. A FosterClub intern from Michigan reported finding permanency through her involvement with the Jim Casey Youth Opportunities Initiative, which she described as being an ‘emotional parent’ in her life.The way I see it, the choice is simple: We can keep defining what permanency should look like for a young person and forcing it upon them. Or we can listen to the young people themselves. Because for a researcher, this is an outcome. For a staff person, this might be a job performance issue. But for a young person in foster care, this is their life.
• #38: ADRIAN: One person is blindfolded. Audience tries to navigate them to the front of the room. Each person in the room can give them a different instruction, but only one instruction   This activity demonstrates how vital it is to empower young people, rather than having them be “powerless” and uninvolved with decisions impacting their lives.   Regarding foster homes, "Every place we live has different rules - but we are getting ready to age out of foster care. Shouldn't we be developing our own rules?"   Youth in foster care want to speak to the judge personally about their case They want to be present when a move is being considered or custodial decisions are being made. Any adult would want to meet his or her lawyer before a trial – and youth desire meaningful interaction with their CASA/GAL as well.
• #39: ADRIAN: This diagram, created by Lisa Dickson, illustrates personal boundaries. Foster care youth are at risk of over-sharing and under-sharing personal information.   During Ohio’s 2007 Independent Living conference, one young person pointed out: “Whenever I get a new social worker, I have to tell them my whole life story. That doesn’t reinforce good boundaries. Especially because I know nothing about him or her.”   For this reason, FCAA Ohio facilitates role-plays to help youth practice healthy boundaries.
• #40: GRACE: Experience of adoptee: Grateful to have found a family. Grief over loss of siblings. Guilt over not being able to express this grief. Adds up to feeling CONFLICTED. The need for open, honest communication between adoptees and adoptive parents
• #43: AMANDA KELLER:1.) Between Jan. 1, 2004, and Dec. 31, 2006, children in the Oregon foster care system were three times more likely than other children to have been prescribed a psychiatric drug. Over that two-year period, nearly 4,700 Oregon foster children were prescribed an antidepressant, stimulant or other mood stabilizer. Meanwhile, less than a third of them received mental health assessments within 60 days as the law requires 2.) Similarly, the Florida's Medicaid office was surprised by the number of children who were prescribed psychotropic medications without a psychiatric diagnosis.- 44% of foster youth had not been seen by a doctor.- 38% of the children studied were given drugs without signed consent from a parent, guardian or judge, as state law requires.- 89% of foster children on psychotropic drugs had no records in their file to show they were being medically monitored.
• #44: LISA:
• #45: LISA: Healing cannot be rushed. *Source: Boundaries and Relationships: Knowing, Protecting and Enjoying the Self by Charles Whitfield, M. D.
• #46: DORIS: Consequences and Risks: In general, foster children and foster alumni operate by a different set of rules and consequences. And they have a lot more paperwork!Here are two examples:1. Let's say you're a teenager and you act out. Will you:a.) Be transferred to a totally different place to live?b.) Be grounded for a month? 2. Let's say you're in college and you do a poor job of budgeting. Are you:a.) Now homeless?b.) Able to call Mom or Dad to bail you out?Foster teens in care learn that their mistakes have powerful ramifications. When they enter the adult world, they often don't know all the resources that are available. What they do know, and what I knew at that stage in my life, is that there is no safety net for them. That is a scary way to enter the adult world.
• #47: DORIS: Consequences and Risks: In general, foster children and foster alumni operate by a different set of rules and consequences. And they have a lot more paperwork!Here are two examples:1. Let's say you're a teenager and you act out. Will you:a.) Be transferred to a totally different place to live?b.) Be grounded for a month? 2. Let's say you're in college and you do a poor job of budgeting. Are you:a.) Now homeless?b.) Able to call Mom or Dad to bail you out?Foster teens in care learn that their mistakes have powerful ramifications. When they enter the adult world, they often don't know all the resources that are available. What they do know, and what I knew at that stage in my life, is that there is no safety net for them. That is a scary way to enter the adult world.
• #48: DORIS: For the half a million children living in foster care, there is no “one-size-fits-all solution.”
• #49: DORIS: In many schools of science, there is an obvious "pendulum swing" from one extreme to another. Regarding foster care, despite the change in focus between 1980 and 1997, the focus on "family preservation" is still dominant -- despite the risks of reunification and frequency of reentry into the foster care system.The Adoption Assistance and Child Welfare Act of 1980 required states to make reasonable efforts to keep children in the home. If the child must be removed, this law also prioritized returning foster children to their family of origin if at all possible. The assumption was that it would harm a child developmentally if that child lacked contact with his or her biological family.The Adoption and Safe Families Act of 1997 addressed many of the risks and concerns about reunification efforts, such as:-How long should a child remain in limbo before finally getting a stable, permanent placement?-If the parent continues to abuse substances and/or children, why not just terminate custody?Section 101 of 1997 Act states that: "Efforts to preserve and reunify the family shall not include certain parents if they pose a serious risk to the child's health and safety."Despite the change in focus between those two Acts, American legal and social services continue to uphold the value of preserving and reunifying families whenever possible.