This document provides a skeptical guide to functional programming through a series of slides presented at a BASH event. It begins by acknowledging that the presenter likes FP but is skeptical of FP programmers. It then discusses some functional programming languages like Lisp, Haskell, and Scala. It explores the differences between pure and hybrid languages. Several slides provide examples of code in languages like Clojure and Scala to demonstrate functional concepts. The presentation questions whether the language itself matters and argues the audience may already be using FP techniques without realizing it.