Founder Communication June 2015
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The document discusses effective leadership and team dynamics, emphasizing the importance of self-disclosure and vulnerability in fostering trust and connection among team members. It presents a framework for emotional communication, outlining five levels of communication and the necessity of feedback for personal and team growth. The conclusion urges leaders to be more open and considerate of their communication styles to enhance team effectiveness.
![Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
Richard Francisco
In what ways do we communicate?
Increasing levels of difficulty, risk & learning
5 Levels of Communication](https://image.slidesharecdn.com/founderleadershipworkshopjune2015contentonly-150626195521-lva1-app6891/85/Founder-Communication-June-2015-13-320.jpg)
![1: Ritual
2: Extended Ritual
3: Content
4: Feelings About Content
5: Feelings About Each Other
Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
5 Levels of Communication](https://image.slidesharecdn.com/founderleadershipworkshopjune2015contentonly-150626195521-lva1-app6891/85/Founder-Communication-June-2015-14-320.jpg)
![5: Feelings About Each Other
Hardest
Riskiest
Most powerful for feedback
Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
5 Levels of Communication](https://image.slidesharecdn.com/founderleadershipworkshopjune2015contentonly-150626195521-lva1-app6891/85/Founder-Communication-June-2015-15-320.jpg)
![Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Team & Culture](https://image.slidesharecdn.com/founderleadershipworkshopjune2015contentonly-150626195521-lva1-app6891/85/Founder-Communication-June-2015-17-320.jpg)
![Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Effective Teams
1. Participation
2. Collaboration
3. Cooperation (Commitment)
Research: All of these are correlated to
Group EQ
“Building Emotional Intelligence”, Wolfe & Druskat, Harvard Business Review, 2004](https://image.slidesharecdn.com/founderleadershipworkshopjune2015contentonly-150626195521-lva1-app6891/85/Founder-Communication-June-2015-18-320.jpg)
![Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Inward
(my emotions)
Outward
(others’ emotions)
Emotional
Awareness
Emotional
Regulation
EQ (Individual)](https://image.slidesharecdn.com/founderleadershipworkshopjune2015contentonly-150626195521-lva1-app6891/85/Founder-Communication-June-2015-19-320.jpg)
![Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Inward
(Our Team)
Outward
(Other Teams)
Emotional
Awareness
Emotional
Regulation
EQ (Group)](https://image.slidesharecdn.com/founderleadershipworkshopjune2015contentonly-150626195521-lva1-app6891/85/Founder-Communication-June-2015-20-320.jpg)
![High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group
Group norms
determine group EQ
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
Group EQ](https://image.slidesharecdn.com/founderleadershipworkshopjune2015contentonly-150626195521-lva1-app6891/85/Founder-Communication-June-2015-21-320.jpg)
![Photo by jm3 [link]
Our Norms](https://image.slidesharecdn.com/founderleadershipworkshopjune2015contentonly-150626195521-lva1-app6891/85/Founder-Communication-June-2015-22-320.jpg)
![What norms do we have?
What norms do we need?
What can you do as leaders?
Photo by jm3 [link]
Our Norms](https://image.slidesharecdn.com/founderleadershipworkshopjune2015contentonly-150626195521-lva1-app6891/85/Founder-Communication-June-2015-23-320.jpg)
![Photo by State Farm [link]
Social situations ≈ Physical threats
Threat Response](https://image.slidesharecdn.com/founderleadershipworkshopjune2015contentonly-150626195521-lva1-app6891/85/Founder-Communication-June-2015-28-320.jpg)
![Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
David Rock
What social
situations trigger
a threat response?
Status
Certainty
Autonomy
Relatedness
Fairness
SCARF Model](https://image.slidesharecdn.com/founderleadershipworkshopjune2015contentonly-150626195521-lva1-app6891/85/Founder-Communication-June-2015-29-320.jpg)
![Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityThe Simplest Feedback Model
When you do [x], I feel [y].](https://image.slidesharecdn.com/founderleadershipworkshopjune2015contentonly-150626195521-lva1-app6891/85/Founder-Communication-June-2015-34-320.jpg)
![Photo by Ana Karenina [link]
1:1 Feedback](https://image.slidesharecdn.com/founderleadershipworkshopjune2015contentonly-150626195521-lva1-app6891/85/Founder-Communication-June-2015-36-320.jpg)
![Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLast Reminder
Stay on your side of the net
When you do [x], I feel [y].
Use the Vocabulary of Emotions.](https://image.slidesharecdn.com/founderleadershipworkshopjune2015contentonly-150626195521-lva1-app6891/85/Founder-Communication-June-2015-40-320.jpg)
![Photo by Daniel Oines [link]
Challenge Yourself](https://image.slidesharecdn.com/founderleadershipworkshopjune2015contentonly-150626195521-lva1-app6891/85/Founder-Communication-June-2015-41-320.jpg)
Founder Communication June 2015
- 1. Founder Communication Joe Greenstein & Semira Rahemtulla June 25, 2015
- 2. Topics for Today • What makes an effective leader? • What makes an effective team? Format: Learn together, not talk at you
- 3. Why am I doing this? (Part 1)
- 4. One Big Idea
- 5. INTENT Needs Motives Stories Reality #1 BEHAVIOR Verbal Non-Verbal Reality #2 Common IMPACT Assumptions Feelings Responses Reality #3 The Net 3 Realities (The “Net” Model)
- 6. Feelings & Emotions – Why?? Everyone feels them; we just pretend we don’t. Convey crucial information; absence of emotion leaves out half the story. Emotions indicate importance. Most powerful motivator? They are an early warning system Feelings & Emotions – Why??
- 7. How was that? • What did you notice? • How did it feel hearing the first intro? • How did it feel describing yourself differently?
- 8. Self-Disclosure Will I be less liked, respected, influential (leader-like)? Is it relevant? Will it further the discussion – the relationship? Will others use this information against me? How will others see/assess/ judge me? “What in my ‘bubble’ should I share?” We are constantly making the choice of letting our self be more fully known Self-Disclosure
- 9. Vulnerability “I define vulnerability as the expression of uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” Vulnerability
- 10. Authentic Leaders “The single factor distinguishing top quartile managers from bottom quartile managers was strength of affection – both given & received – with their team.” --“Encouraging the Heart: A Leader’s Guide to Recognizing and Rewarding Others”, Kouzes & Barry Authentic Leaders
- 11. Authentic Leaders You prefer to look strong rather than “weak.” Problem: Everyone knows that. Result: Willingness to show (some) “weakness” is perceived as sign of strength. Paradox of Trust?
- 12. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / Vulnerability • Build connection, trust • Repair distortions • Avoid “progressive impoverishment” Benefits of Self-Disclosure / Vulnerability
- 13. Photo by Rita Willaert [link] Richard Francisco In what ways do we communicate? Increasing levels of difficulty, risk & learning 5 Levels of Communication
- 14. 1: Ritual 2: Extended Ritual 3: Content 4: Feelings About Content 5: Feelings About Each Other Photo by Rita Willaert [link] 5 Levels of Communication
- 15. 5: Feelings About Each Other Hardest Riskiest Most powerful for feedback Photo by Rita Willaert [link] 5 Levels of Communication
- 16. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / Vulnerability 1. Disclosure & vulnerability are critical to connection. 2. Effective leaders form strong connections. Conclusion: Consider being more open. The Bottom Line
- 17. Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link] Team & Culture
- 18. Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link] Effective Teams 1. Participation 2. Collaboration 3. Cooperation (Commitment) Research: All of these are correlated to Group EQ “Building Emotional Intelligence”, Wolfe & Druskat, Harvard Business Review, 2004
- 19. Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link] Inward (my emotions) Outward (others’ emotions) Emotional Awareness Emotional Regulation EQ (Individual)
- 20. Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link] Inward (Our Team) Outward (Other Teams) Emotional Awareness Emotional Regulation EQ (Group)
- 21. High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group Group norms determine group EQ Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link] Group EQ
- 22. Photo by jm3 [link] Our Norms
- 23. What norms do we have? What norms do we need? What can you do as leaders? Photo by jm3 [link] Our Norms
- 25. Working AgreementsJohari Window OPEN/ PUBLIC PRIVATE UNKNOWN I know I don’t know You know You don’t know Reactions/Feedback D i s c l o s u r e BLIND
- 26. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityWhy is Feedback Important? 1. Personal Development 2. Team Effectiveness 3. Stronger Relationships Bottom Line: Feedback is how we grow
- 27. Photo:RobbieGrubbs Can I give you some feedback?
- 28. Photo by State Farm [link] Social situations ≈ Physical threats Threat Response
- 29. Photo by Andrew Vargas [link] David Rock What social situations trigger a threat response? Status Certainty Autonomy Relatedness Fairness SCARF Model
- 30. So… how do we communicate feedback while minimizing defensiveness?
- 31. Old Mental Model 1. Assumption: I know the full truth 2. Action: I will tell you what you are doing wrong 3. Goal: Get you to change New Mental Model 1. Assumption: I know something you don’t (my reactions) – you may also know things I don’t. 2. Action: Share my news, listen for yours 3. Goal: Expand our shared information, enter into joint problem solving Mental Models of Feedback Feedback is a gift!
- 32. INTENT Needs Motives Stories Reality #1 BEHAVIOR Verbal Non-Verbal Reality #2 Common IMPACT Feelings Reactions Responses Reality #3 The Net The Net (again) Feedback
- 33. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback 1. Focus on specific, observable behavior 2. Describe the impact of that behavior on you 3. Do not address my motives or intentions (Do listen actively if I choose to share them.) Stay on your side of the net!
- 34. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityThe Simplest Feedback Model When you do [x], I feel [y].
- 35. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLet’s try some examples… 1. Semira, you clearly don’t care about this presentation. 2. Semira, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. You are clearly bored with this presentation. 3. Semira, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. I am feeling anxious about whether I am doing a good job with this presentation.
- 36. Photo by Ana Karenina [link] 1:1 Feedback
- 37. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Receiving Feedback • Look for “Grains of Truth” – Learning is better than being right – Goal is understanding, not winning • Listen and ask clarifying questions • Acknowledge your feelings • Gift mentality – Say “Thank you!”
- 38. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Complimentary Feedback • Give more!!! • Do not praise to buffer criticism – Avoid “The Sandwich” • Do not praise to overcome resistance • Avoid platitudes. Be specific: – Weak: “Joe, you’re a great cofounder.” – Strong: “Joe, when you give me specific feedback, I feel more comfortable in our working relationship.”
- 39. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Constructive Feedback • Assume good intent; be curious • Use a soft start – Emphasize mutual goals & positive intent for the conversation • Be aware of your own stress • Goal is joint problem solving
- 40. Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLast Reminder Stay on your side of the net When you do [x], I feel [y]. Use the Vocabulary of Emotions.
- 41. Photo by Daniel Oines [link] Challenge Yourself
- 42. Thanks, good-bye, and stay on your side of the net