MSUM's 2nd Annual Walk A Mile In Her Shoes® - Rape & Abuse Signs

MSUM's 2nd Annual Walk A Mile In Her Shoes® - Rape & Abuse Signs

• 1.
  Information from theRape and Abuse Crisis Center
• 2.
   Grandiose, over-identifying with strengths  Ascribe to cultural sex role stereotypes  Exhibit exaggerated sense of worth and power  Feel entitled to what they want
• 3.
   Grew up in violent home  Self-absorbed  Use force to get what they want
• 4.
   Grew up in abusive family  Gets into fights with other individuals (besides partner)  May have arrest record  Outbursts of temper
• 5.
  Information from theRape and Abuse Crisis Center
• 6.
  Myth #1 Rape isjust a sexual act; not big deal.
• 7.
   FACT: Rapeis a violent crime committed in a sexual manner. It is the sexual release of anger or control to inflict violence and humiliation on the victim. Whether there is a physical force or not, without consent, it is rape. Rape is a socially learned behavior; it correlates with history, gender roles, conditioning, and sexual violence in the media.
• 8.
  Myth #2 Rape isprovoked by the victim; people who are raped are asking for it.
• 9.
  FACT: Rape isa violent crime committed in a sexual manner. It is the sexual release of anger or control to inflict violence and humiliation on the victim. Whether there is a physical force or not, without consent, it is rape. Rape is a socially learned behavior; it correlates with history, gender roles, conditioning, and sexual violence in the media.
• 10.
   Myth #3 Only young, beautiful women in mini skirts get raped and only “bad” girls in large cities are raped.
• 11.
   FACT: Rapistschoose their victims without regard to physical appearance. Victims are young, old, male, female, married, single, and of any rave or economic class. Sexual assaults occur in all areas-cities, suburbs, small towns, and rural areas.
• 12.
  Myth #4 Rape isa rare occurrence.
• 13.
   FACT: Statisticsshow a sexual assault occurs every 2 ½ minutes in the United States. One in four women (25%) and one in 33 men (3%) will be a victim of sexual assault. Sexual assaults are one of the most under- reported crimes with more than half still being left unreported. The average rapist commits 8-12 assaults before being caught.
• 14.
  Myth #5 Sexual assaultsoccur only among strangers.
• 15.
   FACT: In2005, 70% of female sexual assault victims stated their offender was an intimate, other relative, friend, or acquaintance. Amongst juvenile sexual assault victims, 93% knew their attacker.
• 16.
  Myth #6 Women areraped when they are out alone at night, primarily in dark alleys.
• 17.
   FACT: Over50% of all reported sexual assaults occur in the home. In the 2005, almost 2/3 of all sexual assaults occurred between 6pm and 6am, not just during evening hours.
• 18.
  Myth #7 Any personcould prevent rape if they really wanted to. No one can be raped against their will.
• 19.
   FACT: Accordingto the 2005 FBI Crime Statistics, 91.8% of sexual assaults involved physical force. All victims are traumatized whether there is physical force or not; they feel as if they’ve lost control, fear the risk of pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and not being believed by family friends.
• 20.
  Myth #8 Sexual assaultsdo not happen to men. If men are assaulted, it is a homosexual assault.
• 21.
   FACT: Samesex assaults can and do occur. In 2003, one in 10 (10%) of sexual assault victims were male. Sixty percent of convicted rapists were married or had regular sexual partners at the time of the assault. However, the frequency of male sexual assault is difficult to estimate for two reasons: 1.) our reluctance to recognize the crime, and 2.) the victim’s reluctance to report the crime.
• 22.
  Myth #9 Rape isan impulsive, uncontrollable act of sexual gratification. Most rapes are spontaneous.
• 23.
   FACT: Seventy-onepercent (71%) of rapes are planned in advance. A rapist has it in their mind to assault someone (anyone), or has a specific person in mind.
• 24.
  Myth #10 Rape doesnot occur in marriage.
• 25.
   FACT: In2002 a national survey found 10% of women were victims of rape or attempted rape by a husband or intimate in their lifetime. Most states have laws prohibiting rape in marriage.
• 26.
   Myth #11 The FBI reports only 2% of rape reports are given falsely. This is the same report rate for other felonies.
• 27.
   FACT: TheFBI reports only 2% of rape reports are given falsely. This is the same report rate for other felonies.
• 28.
   Myth #12 Rapists are abnormal perverts with an unsatisfied sex drive. Only “sick” or “insane” people sexually assault others. The primary motivate for rape is sexual.
• 29.
   FACT: Rapistshave normal sex drives, are generally sexually active (married or have available sex partners) and exhibit “normal” types of behavior, with the exception of a greater-than-average tendency to be aggressive. Male rapists equate “manhood” with being in control or carrying out sexual acts. Rape is a way to degrade and punish their victims.
• 30.
  Information from theRape and Abuse Crisis Center
• 31.
   Fear Fear from threats made by rapist  Rapist often threatens to harm or kill them and “find them some way some how”  Fear of society’s reaction, often fearing that blame will be put on them not the rapist  Fear of men since it is easy to generalize all men in the same category  Fear of not being believed, especially if the rapist is popular in the community, or a family friend
• 32.
   Guilt Many feel that the rape is somehow their fault  They often have thoughts such as “It must have been something I did.”  May feel guilt that they “didn’t fight hard enough”  If they knew the rapist before, they may feel guilt that they should have known  Self-doubt and guilt run rampant since many victims think that they could take care of themselves until it happens to them
• 33.
   Embarrassment  Many are embarrassed to talk about the physical details of the assault  Many isolate themselves because they don’t want family and friends to know about the assault  They may fear blame from family and friends  The medical exam may be extremely embarrassing since the victims body is again exposed to others
• 34.
   Anxiety  Many victims feel extreme anxiety and react by shaking uncontrollably  When remembering the assault they may experience shortness of breath, panic, shaking, and fear  Nightmares frequently occur  It is important for a victim to realize they are safe and that the reactions are occurring as a result of feeling about rape
• 35.
   Questioning Whyit Happened to Them  While rapists decided to rape and plan the assault it may not be decided until the time of the attack  The decision may be based on who happens to be available, not who or what that person was wearing
• 36.
   Anger  There is often anger about the events following the attack as well as the rape itself  They feel anger at having to change their lifestyles and anger at feeling powerless  Anger is a very normal and appropriate reaction since it can help them start to work through the attack  Counseling, reporting, and prosecution of the perpetrator may be ways to vent those feelings
• 37.
  Information by theRape and Abuse Crisis Center
• 38.
   Learn all you can about sexual assault. This will help to dispel myths and give you greater understanding of the effects  Allow the victim to talk about the experience of victimization and the feelings that follow without judgment  HOWEVER some victims may not wish to talk about the experience. Respect their wished either way
• 39.
   Help the victim place blame on the perpetrator not on themselves  Remind them that what happened was not their fault  Remind them that no matter what they do NO ONE has the right to violate them  Assist the victim in holding the assailant accountable for his or her actions
• 40.
   Don’t try to “rescue” the victim from their feelings even though it is hard to see the ones we love in pain  Even though the victim may rely on you for support, remember that they are in control of their own life  Respect the time it takes for the victim to recover from trauma
• 41.
   Don’t be surprised if the victim experiences any or all of the following:  Irritability, nightmares, flashbacks, anxiety, or panic attacks  A fear of people and heightened sense of vulnerability  Concern or compassion for the assailant  Anger or rage at the perpetrator, society, or themselves  Changes in personality  Encourage them to seek professional counseling or a sexual assault victims’ support group
• 42.
  Information by theRape and Abuse Crisis Center
• 43.
   Guilt- you somehow should have been able to prevent the assault  Blame-placed on the victim or yourself  Fear-of another assault, what people will say, medical repercussions, etc.  Anger-toward the assailant, but sometimes also toward yourself and/or the victim  Depression- brought on by feelings of helplessness/hopelessness
• 44.
   Loss ofintimacy- feeling the victim distancing him/herself from others  Frustration- toward the assailant, victim, yourself and the system  Overprotection- a desire to protect the victim from further pain/danger  Retaliation- against the attacker  Shame- especially if you have believed the myths about causes of assault  Weariness- there will be times when you need to take a break form the victim, or a break from talking about sexual violence issues
• 45.
  Information from theRape and Abuse Crisis Center
• 46.
  Myth #1 The problemof domestic violence is greatly exaggerated
• 47.
   FACT: There are nearly 5.3 million incidents of intimate partner violence each year among U.S. women ages 18 and older. Statistics show that on in four women in the U.S. will experience domestic violence in her lifetime. On average, more than three women are murdered by their husband or boyfriend each day.
• 48.
  Myth #2 Men andwomen have always fought; it is natural
• 49.
   FACT: All couples will disagree at one time. It is important to remember that anger is a feeling while violence is a behavior. It is possible to be angry without becoming violent. Battering is a crime of power and control
• 50.
  Myth #3 Domestic violenceonly happens in lower economic classes and minority populations
• 51.
   FACT: Domestic abuse occurs in families from all social, racial, economic educational, and religious backgrounds. It occurs in towns, suburbs, rural areas, and the inner city.
• 52.
  Myth #4 Pregnancy willprotect a woman from being abused
• 53.
   FACT: Between 4-8% of pregnant women are abused at least once during their pregnancy. It is estimated as many as 324,00 women each year experience intimate partner violence during their pregnancy. There is no subgroup of women immune to the threat of domestic violence.
• 54.
  Myth #5 If aperson wanted to they could leave their abusive partner
• 55.
   FACT: On average an abused woman leaves her partner 6-8 times. There are many reasons they stay including, his or her “good” qualities, love, the abusers destruction of other relationships, fear of failure, religious beliefs, not wanting to deprive children, promises of change, or fear of more violence.
• 56.
  Myth #6 Domestic violencedoes not affect children since they are usually not aware of the abuse
• 57.
   FACT: Although many adults believe they have protected their children from exposure to domestic violence, 80-90% of children in those homes can give detailed descriptions of violence experienced in their families. Further, children in homes where domestic violence occurs may experience many extreme effects.
• 58.
  Myth #7 Marital rapedoes not really happen
• 59.
   FACT: In the U.S. every year about 1.5 million women are raped or physically assaulted by an intimate partner. Additionally 25% of women have been raped and/or physically assaulted by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
• 60.
  Myth #8 People whoabuse their partners are mentally ill and not responsible for their actions
• 61.
   FACT: Batters are not out of control. They use violence as a means to gain and maintain control over their partner and the relationship. Domestic abuse is a grime and as with all other crimes, the batterer is responsible for his or her behavior and its consequences.
• 62.
  Myth #9 Alcohol anddrug use cause domestic violence
• 63.
   FACT: There is little evidence to support this theory. It should be noted that many people who abuse their partners report no history of addiction or misuse of alcohol or any other substance. Similarly, many people who do misuse alcohol and other substances do not abuse their partners.
• 64.
  Myth #10 Women abusemen just as often as men abuse women
• 65.
   FACT: Studies show that 85% of domestic violence victims are women. In over ¾ of all family violence situations, the perpetrator of the violence was male. Domestic violence is the most common cause of injury to American women between the ages of 15-44.
• 67.
   I have the right to respect, communication, trust, and boundaries in my relationship  I have the right to a relationship between equals  I have the right to be myself without changing to suit others, and the right to no judgments  I have the right to be listened to
• 68.
   I have the right to set limits on physical closeness, to say “no” to any activity that makes me uncomfortable, as well as to accept a “No.”  I have the right to choose when I want to be with my partner and when I would like to be with my other friends or by myself  I have the right to be in a relationship that makes me feel good about myself and to end a relationship that makes me feel bad about myself.
• 69.
   I havethe right to NOT be called names, put down, or embarrassed by my partner  I have the right to have my wants, needs, and opinions heard and respected by my partner and to have equal say in making decisions in our relationship  I have the right to feel safe, both physically and emotionally, in my relationships  I have the right to NOT take on responsibility for my partner’s feelings, choices, or behaviors