EXCLUSIVEMy husband and I have NEVER lived together - it works wonders on our sex life and even married friends are jealous of us
- Hayley Folk, from Brooklyn, and her husband Kyle are polyamorous and live apart
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A woman has revealed how living apart from her husband has worked wonders on their sex life - and left even their married friends feeling jealous of their relationship.
Hayley Folk, 29, from Brooklyn, New York City, married Kyle, 45, a year ago - despite the couple having never moved in together full-time following six years of dating.
After they said their lifelong vows, Hayley went back to her regular life, pursuing her career as a writer in the hustle and bustle of the city while Kyle was more drawn to a quiet life in the suburbs.
For the majority of married couples, Hayley and Kyle's lifestyle may seem strange and puzzling, but they are part of 3.89million Americans who swear by living apart together (LAT).
Hayley insists that their sex life has never been better, even though Kyle is 500 miles away in North Carolina.
'When we see each other, we have time to miss each other. It really grows the intimate side, the yearning,' Hayley told FEMAIL.
'When we see each other we're excited, there's a feeling of wanting to rip each other's clothes off. When you spend a month or two away from your partner that is what it can feel like.
'It gives us an opportunity to be more playful in our sex life - there's not really a routine that we fall into.'
Hayley Folk, 29, from Brooklyn, New York City, married Kyle, 45, a year ago, despite the couple dating for six years and never moving in together
Rather than getting stuck in a rut arguing about dirty dishes or whose turn it is to take out the bins, Hayley says the pair are excited to see each other and can focus solely on spending sexual quality time together.
She said: 'We have grown really accustomed to communicating about sex over text or phone.
'We have this unique ability to speak about sex in a really open way because we have to, we don't get to spend every waking moment together and we don't get to have sex every day. It feels very exciting every time and I look forward to it and I know he does too.'
The sex and relationship journalist says she and Kyle never find themselves too busy or too tired to have sex and admits that every time feels like the beginning of a new fling - despite them being together for more than half a decade.
However, things change when the pair - who see each other for a week every three weeks - temporarily move in together for a couple of months during the Christmas holiday season.
Hayley and Kyle's sex life became more stagnant with longer dry spells as she admitted: 'We definitely had a period of not having sex much at all, partially because we weren't having to cram it into a week.
'It made me realise that if we lived together full time we wouldn't put as much intentionality into our sex life that we do now.
'We could understand why couples get into a monotonous tone where they feel like they need to schedule out sex in order for it to happen.
The sex and relationship journalist says she and Kyle never find themselves too busy or too tired to have sex
'I don't know if we will ever live together full time.'
Hayley says that even her married friends who live together are jealous of her lifestyle as they often confide in her whenever they are having marital problems.
She's even had some strangers say they were 'envious' of her, calling Hayley's way of life a 'privilege' they want to indulge in.
The writer said: 'So often when I speak to my married friends who live full time with their partners they're like "Oh my God I wish my husband would leave for a while" or "He wants sex all the time and it's annoying" I don't feel that way and I would never want to feel that way.
'I've had a few friends say they were [envious] of me and even strangers. I was recently on a press trip and I was telling one of the women I met there that my husband is gone a lot of the time and that we live apart and that it works really well for us and she said "Oh my God I'm so jealous I wish I could do that, I wish I had that time and that privilege".
'They had two children together so she didn't feel like it was a possibility for her.'
In the UK, around 42 per cent of marriages end in divorce, with the most common ground being 'unreasonable behaviour'.
'Unreasonable behaviour in a divorce is used to describe your spouse acting in such a way that you can't reasonably be expected to continue living with them,' Legal comparison site, the Law Superstore, explained.
Hayley insists that their sex life has never been better, even though Kyle is 500 miles away in North Carolina
Hayley - who has been married previously - said: 'I can totally understand why my female and my male friends have told me about those experiences because it can feel like it's become dull and that there is no new invention.
'I feel like a lot of couples forget to experiment with sex in ways that they did when they first got together when they've been together for so long.'
Haley's first marriage happened when she was 22 years old and her ex-husband was 25 years old.
She attended a Christian baptism college and said there was a lot of pressure put on students to get engaged young, with young girls hoping to receive a 'ring for Spring'.
At the time she was beginning to discover that she was bisexual, with her former partner suggesting they have an open relationship and marriage.
Hayley - who is polyamorous - spent this time exploring her sexuality, dating both men and women before the marriage ended because they 'wanted different things'.
Polyamory can be defined as engaging in multiple romantic and sexual relationships with the consent of multiple like-minded people.
She then went on to meet Kyle who had not tried polyamory before but now dates multiple people while still being married to Hayley.
Hayley had a serious girlfriend that she had been seeing for two years before they decided to break up in January and she is currently seeing another man and another woman casually.
Hayley has even had some strangers say they were 'envious' of her, calling Hayley's way of life a 'privilege' they want to indulge in
Although many may assume that Hayley and Kyle get jealous of each other's new flames, she insists that she is happy for her husband.
'I don't really experience jealousy very often. I probably experience the fear of missing out more than I experience traditional jealousy,' Hayley said.
'Maybe there's been times when my partner has been in Europe for work and he's on a date with somebody and I haven't seen him in a month and then I think "Maybe I'm a bit jealous".
'But then I realise that it's actually that I miss him and I experience the fear of missing out on hanging out with him rather than feeling jealous that this woman is on a date with my husband.'
While many couples would usually write off inviting exes to their wedding, Kyle and Hayley were overjoyed they could spend their special day with past lovers.
'It's well known in my family that we are polyamorous and my 80-year-old grandma was talking to my ex-girlfriend and it was very sweet,' she added.
But her family took some time to warm to Hayley's polyamorous lifestyle and disapproved of it at first.
Her father hung up on her, shocked at what his daughter had just told told him, before eventually calling her back.
He revealed that Hayley's mother, who passed away in 2019, was bisexual and that they had actually opened up their marriage in the 90s.
Rather astonished by the news, Hayley said: 'I will remember that phone call for the rest of my life. He was like "It never works because people get jealous" but I realised they didn't do it in a healthy way at all.
'Over the years, my family has gotten more comfortable with talking to me about [polyamory] and they might not agree with my lifestyle but they're happy that I am happy.'
